Getting over it
by MaimeSan
Summary: Faith loses her powers in prison. Angel saves her from the beatings, and hands her over to Buffy where she is forced to follow their rules in order to regain their trust and her freedom. However, her stay in prison leaves more than just bruises.
1. Back to Sunny(hell)

**Warnings:****F/F, No Beta, Vulgar language, Rape, Possible character death, Lots of Angst etc. (I'll give the warnings according to the chapter)**

**Universe: **Between season 6 and 7. No Dawn, no Anya or The first evil. Xander, Willow and Buffy live in the same house (I know it wasn't like that, but this is FanFiction), + some small changes

**Disclaimer: **Buffy the Vampire Slayer belongs to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, 20th Century Fox, UPN and WB Television Networks

_**Chapter 1: Back in (Sunny)Hell**_

BPOV

"Faith are you ready?" I yell across the house. She's been cooped up in her room the whole day. I don't know what's wrong but lately she's been taking a lot of naps in the afternoons. Maybe she still hasn't adjusted back to being out late for patrol.

She's been with us for almost a month now. When I first told them that I'm going to get Faith everyone looked at me like I'm insane. I had to explain the whole situation, and they agreed with me that it would be best if I bring her here, so I can keep an eye on her. Angel has his own problems, and even if he had the time, there's no way he could control her. She's still a slayer.

_*****FLASBACK*****_

_Everyone was gathered in the living room, waiting for me to deliver the news. Ever since Angel called me I knew this was going to suck big time. No one wants Faith here, actually pretty much everyone hates her, and so do I, but I can't just leave her, and Angel really can't take care of her. He's in the middle of a big battle, and Faith has a tendency to run wild if not guided (and by guided I mean forced) to do the right thing. So here I am, in the living room trying to find a way to explain the situation. _

"_So what's the news?" asks Xander._

"_I'll have to go to LA for a while, but don't worry I'll be back as soon as I can."_

"_Why? Is Angel in trouble? Has Angelus resurfaced? No, he couldn't have, then he wouldn't have called or would he? I mean maybe he would call just to you know, taunt you, so you'd come and he'd have a chance to kill you, but why wouldn't he then just come here. I mean…"_

"_Willow, Angel is fine. And no, there were no sightings of Angelus. It's Faith."_

"_Oh great. What has she done now?" Xander asks, "Did she gut another guy…"_

"_Wait, isn't she supposed to be in jail?" Willow asks._

"_No, she didn't do anything yet. At least I think she hasn't. And yes, she should be in jail, but Angel sort of managed to get her out."_

"_What?! Why? You don't just get murderers out of jail! You don't just hand them a get out of jail free card, and hope they don't go around killing everyone, AGAIN!"_

"_She isn't really in a position to hurt anyone right now, and besides that's why I'm going to LA, and bringing her here where I can watch her."_

"_You're bringing her here?! Are you insane?! She's just going to try to kill everyone again or did you forget what happened the last time she was here?!" I sigh, and run a hand through my hair. This really isn't turning out the way I want it to. I knew this wasn't going to be pretty, but I don't want to get in a screaming match, especially because of Faith. She's done this before, every time she managed to divide us without her even knowing it. _

"_Wait, why can't she hurt anyone?" Willow thought aloud, and I'm glad she did. That finally stopped Xander's rant._

"_Because currently she's unconscious, and without her slayer powers. Right now she couldn't even hurt Xander. Plus from what Angel told me she's been beaten pretty badly. He got a phone call from the infirmary in prison today about what happened, and they told him what has been happening for the last two months. Apparently she got on the bad side of the wrong people, and they've been using her as a punching bag ever since. They only called Angel because they thought she was going to die, and wanted to find her relatives to inform them. As soon as he found out what was happening he got her out of there, but she still hasn't woken up. The plan was I go to LA, bring her here, and help her recover, and then help her get back in the swing of things, steer her on the right path, and all that crap."_

"_Oh. Wh-Why isn't Angel doing that?" I look at Willow, "He can't. There's a new big bad in town, and Faith will need a lot of attention. He doesn't have time for her right now, and she could probably kick his ass if she wanted to."_

"_But why here? Can't we just, you know, drop her off at another prison? I'm sure she'd be fine." _

"_I want to, but she needs time to recover, and having another slayer on our side will help tip the scale in our direction." And I feel guilty 'cause I haven't really tried to help her when she was losing it because of Finch. If we can bring her back on our side things can be a lot easier. Two Slayers is way better than one. _

"_What's the plan then? You bring her back, then what? We set her free, and let her join the black hats again? We can't trust her."_

"_I know, and that's why she's going to be chained up in a basement until we're sure she can be trusted. That way she'll have plenty of time to rest, and recover, and we'll be able to keep an eye on her, and not worry about her killing sprees." _

_*****END OF FLASBACK*****_

At that time we were all already living in my house so I had to get them to agree, but they eventually did. We made a game plan, and I brought her back the same day.

"Faith, I swear to god, if you don't come down here right now…!" I used my threatening voice, and she sprinted down the stairs, and jumped right in front of me.

"Ready." She breathes out. She's panting really hard, probably because she was still in bed when I called for her to get down. I look her over, and see she's a mess. Her hair is out of control, she's not wearing any make up, she turned her shirt inside out, and what is she wearing? Are those slippers?!

When she sees me looking at her feet she looks down, "Oh, crap!" she turns around and runs back upstairs. A minute later she's back, and this time she's actually wearing shoes, thank god. Willow's been watching from the door frame, and she starts laughing really hard. I try to hold back, but a smile breaks through. Faith glares at me, but that just makes us laugh harder.

"Man, I'm never going to live this one down." She grunts.

"No. No you're not." I managed to say between taking deep breaths, and trying to calm myself down, "Oh, and you should probably fix your shirt,"

"What's wrong with my shirt?" She looks down at it, and her eyes go wide, "How the..." I push her arm towards the bathroom, and she follows the order.

"I swear to god this was turned the right way when I put it on," she says when she comes out.

"I'm sure it was," Willow smiles at her.

"C'mon, let's go before your evil clothes do something else," I tease, and basically drag her to the door.

"Shut it, Blondie," she glares, but I know she's kidding 'cause she's fighting back a smile that's slowly spreading across her face.

"Says the person who can't even dress herself right," We're walking to the cemetery number 1 now.

"I honestly don't know how that shirt got turned inside-out, and I guess I just forgot to put my shoes on. Could've happened to anyone."

She tries to explain herself, but I already know this is because she just got up, and was still sleepy. It's 7 pm for god's sake. We had lunch at 2 pm, and then she went to her room to "sharpen her weapons" when in reality she just fell asleep. I usually tease her about it, but now I'm starting to worry a bit. It's happening more often, and she gets tired really fast.

FPOV

I can't believe that happened. I feel so embarrassed. I fell asleep right after lunch and when Buffy called for me to get down, I had no fucking clue where I was, what I was doing, or why she's calling me.

I got dressed without really paying attention, still fighting the fog in my head, and then when she called for the second time, I knew I was late, and then I started running around the room like a headless chicken trying to get myself ready. By the time I got downstairs I already managed to completely clear the fog from my head, but of course half-conscious me can't even put her clothes on right.

So we finished off patrol for tonight, and I really want to go to the Bronze. But like always I need a babysitter. It's not like I haven't sneaked out of the house a couple of times without them. They all know that, mostly because I came back drunk, and stumbled up the stairs and feel asleep by my best friend - the toilet.

When B found me the next morning she totally flipped out, and yelled at me for like an hour or at least it seemed like an hour with my killer hangover. I tried to shut her up, but that just pissed her off even more. She dragged me back to the basement, chained me up on the bed, and left me there for half a day.

I'm not really sure why she was so mad. It's not like I killed anyone, and they did let me roam around the house freely. What's the big deal if I leave for a while so I don't die of boredom? That was week two of this little adventure. I'm still a little fuzzy on the details of how I got here, but I remember waking up a day after the big fight. To say I was freaked would be a big understatement.

_*****FLASBACK*****_

_My head was throbbing, and I really didn't want to open my eyes to some bright light that would definitely hurt them. I'm probably in the infirmary right now. Those fucking bitches got me again in the showers. This is like the 30__th__ time that happened in the last two months. It sucks big time, and every time I try to defend they just get more aggressive, and the guards aren't doing anything, in fact sometimes they even participate. _

_Beating up poor defenseless Faith has become like a sport in this joint ever since I lost my powers. I have no fucking idea how that happened. All I know is that I woke up one day, and poof, my strength was gone. Before that happened I had a reputation. Nobody would come near me, too afraid I'm going to snap their necks, but somehow the word got out pretty quickly that I ain't strong anymore, and the beatings started._

_Everyone who had a grudge came at me, and some did it just for fun, and for a good fuck. Nobody claimed me as their bitch because I was the prison whore. I was forced to pretty much go down on everyone. Fuck, enough about this 'cause it's just gonna make me more depressed. I just need to survive this shit, and when my powers come back, everything's gonna go back to normal. _

_I quickly pop my eyes open when I feel heat on my stomach. "Red?" What the fuck is Willow doing here, and why the fuck does she have her hands on my stomach. Wow, this can't be good. Maybe she came here to finish what B started. I try to hit her, I try to get her off of me, but I soon figure out that I can't move my hands. They're strapped to the bed, and so are my legs. I look around, and soon find out I'm not in prison anymore. The place is dark, and looks like someone's basement. Fuck, this can't be good. _

_Bein' strapped to a bed in an unknown basement tends to end badly in the movies. And the fact that it's B's best friend, and has some serious mojo on her side isn't exactly calming me down either. Another thing that isn't calming me down is that she still has her freaking arms on my fucking stomach. I start struggling more against restraints and even though I don't have my slayer strength, all that fear and panic that's cursing through me right now is seriously helping. I almost broke free when a pair of arms grabbed me, and forced me to stay still._

"_Faith, calm down! You're not in jail anymore." Yeah, no shit Sherlock, I got that. Wait, was that B's voice. I look at the face of the person that's holding me, and sure enough it's B. _

"_What the fuck is this shit?! Get the fuck off of me!" B doesn't budge._

"_Faith have you been taking drugs?" WHAT?! I look at Red, has she gone insane?! Why is she even asking me that?_

_This is too weird for me. I close my eyes. This has to be a dream. This can't be happening. I start mumbling to myself, trying to convince myself that I'll wake up in a second, and I'll be lying in an infirmary, recovering, and waiting for another beat down. I can feel their eyes on me,_

"_Faith, I need to know if you've been taking any drugs." That's it, I'm sick of this,_

"_WHAT THE FUCK IS WORNG WITH YOU?! WHERE WOULD I EVEN GET DRUGS?! I'm, _was_ in prison."_

"_Okay, okay! No need to yell at us. We're just trying to figure out what happened." B's getting annoyed, well boo-fucking-ho. I don't even know where the fuck I am, how I got here, and why are they asking me these questions. _

"_Everyone just calm down." Red, always the voice of reason. _

"_No one's going to fuckin' calm down if I don't freakin' find out where the fuck am I, how I got here, and what the hell is wrong with you?!" Red sighs and after a while answers,_

"_Faith you're here because Angel got you out of jail as soon as he found out what was happening, and didn't have time with new evil lurking to look after you while you recover. You're currently in Sunnydale, to be more specific you're in the basement of Buffy's house. You've been out of it for a day now, and the reason I was asking you if you took any drugs is because I did a spell to find out why you don't have any slayer abilities, and it showed drugs in your system." Buffy loosened her hold on me, but never took her eyes off of me. _

"_Thanks. And no, I really didn't take any drugs so I have no idea how they could've gotten in my system." I glared at B, trying to make her let go off me, but she just glared back._

"_How long will it take for her to have her powers back?" _

"_I'm not sure. I googled the drug, and it says it should clear out in 48 hours, but I don't know exactly when she was given the last dosage. It's been 24 hours since she got out of jail so I think it's safe to say she'll have it back sometime today." Oh, thank god. I really don't want to be here._

"_Thanks for all the hospitality, but I really think I should be going now. They'll start to miss me, and I need to clear some things, and make sure there's no repeat of this little drug incident."_

"_You're not going anywhere. Willow please reinforce her chains with magic so they're gonna stay when she gets her powers back."_

"_Look B, if you don't trust me, you can take me back yourself, I'm not gonna fight you. But we both now it's best if I don't stay here."_

"_You're not going back to that place, and you don't really have a say in it. Angel and I agreed it would be best if you stayed with us from now on. Follow the rules, and everything's going to be just fine. As much as I hate it, I can't just let you die in there, and that would happen. They managed to find a way to drug you without you even knowing it, and it would just happen again and again until you'd be dead. You were lucky that Willow healed you in time or else you would've probably died without slayer healing."_

_Buffy looked at Red, and she nodded. "Now, get some rest. You're still not a hundred percent."_

_They both stood up, and left the room. I tried to get rid of the chains but Red must have reinforced 'em already 'cause they didn't move even an inch. Exhaustion took over soon after that, and I drifted off to sleep. _

_*****END OF FLASBACK*****_

For the next week they kept me chained up in the basement. They took turns in watching me, so I'm pretty used to having a babysitter by now. Still doesn't stop me from wanting to have some fun every once in a while.

"C'mon B, you know you want to go. I promise I won't drink, just dancing, and I'll behave." I feel like she's my mother now, begging her to let me go to the Bronze. I normally wouldn't care if I have her permission, but if I just took off she and Red would find me, and drag me back to the house, and chained me back in the basement. New style of parenting I guess.

"Faith, for the last time: We're not going to the Bronze! We're going home so stop complaining."

Half an hour later we're home and Buffy runs upstairs, and locks her door. Its official, I've finally managed to drive her mad. I smile in triumph just when Willow walks into the lobby to see what's going on.

She scowls when she sees my expression, "What did you do?"

I give her my best innocent face, which is pretty bad (imagine Joker trying to look innocent –yeah, I don't think so),

"I didn't do anything. I just asked her if we could go to the Bronze, and she said no." She furrows her brows in confusion.

"And I had to keep saying no to her for the next half an hour!" I hear yelling from upstairs. Damn, slayer hearing.

I roll my eyes, and yell back, "Well, all that could've been avoided if you would've just said yes!"

"I'd wipe that grin off your face before she gets back down if you don't want to end up locked up again," Willow whispers.

She's right, I need to start thinking depressing stuff, or I just might end up back in the basement.

"Whatever, I need some shut eye anyway. See ya."

"Don't forget you're responsible for breakfast tomorrow," she yells after me. I grumble a couple of curse words 'cause that means I have to get up before 8 am, and I don't usually wake up 'till about 1 pm. I can already tell that tomorrow is going to suck.

**A/N: If there is interest in this story I can continue to post or leave it like this. **


	2. Better Off On My Own

**Warnings: ****F/F, no beta, vulgar language, possible character death, angst, child abuse etc. **

**Disclaimer: **Buffy the Vampire Slayer belongs to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, 20th Century Fox, UPN and WB Television Networks

_**Chapter 2: Better Off On My Own**_

BPOV

This morning wasn't that great. I woke up 10 minutes before 8, came downstairs wanting some breakfast, and what do I find? Not breakfast, that's for sure. The kitchen is empty, Willow and Xander are in the living room watching some cartoons, and Faith is nowhere to be found.

So I go up to her room, and bang on her door. I hear a thump; she must have fallen out of the bed. I smile, "Faith get up, and make breakfast. It's your turn, and you have about 5 minutes to serve it." She throws the door open, and runs downstairs.

We sort of have this rule that whoever doesn't make the meal in time has to clean the dishes for the rest of the week. For the last three weeks she's been doing that 'cause she can't ever get up in the morning, and this week she's trying to avoid it. Willow and Xander probably haven't woken her up because they don't want to do the dishes, but I think it's hilarious when she's late like this.

The schedule is pretty basic and fair:

**_Breakfast (8 am)_****Lunch_(2 pm)_****Dinner (7.30 pm)**

_Monday__ _Willow_ Buffy_ Xander

_Tuesday__ _Faith_ _Willow_ Buffy

_Wednesday__ Xander _Faith _Willow

_Thursday_ _Buffy _Xander_ Faith

_Friday__ Willow_ Buffy _Xander

_Saturday__ Buffy _Willow _Faith

_Sunday__ Xander_ _Faith_ Willow

Faith was also supposed to be doing breakfast on Saturday and not just on Tuesday but I took pity on her, and let her do dinner. Doesn't really matter if its breakfast, lunch or dinner because she's always late anyway.

She's a pretty good cook too. I'm horrible at it so I mostly make simple stuff, and try to avoid burning down the kitchen. That's also one of the reasons I took the breakfast deal. You don't really have to cook for breakfast; you can just make some sandwiches or something.

Out of all of us Faith is the best cook, and we all love it. If she would agree we'd be happy to let her just cook every day, but there's no way that would happen. She hates doing it 'cause she can't sleep in and it wouldn't be fair to just force her. I remember the first time she cooked for us.

_*****FLASBACK*****_

_Faith wanted to get out of the basement to stretch her legs a bit, and she was getting a little crazy down there. I would be too if I was forced to lie on the bed for days. We changed her chains, and now she's able to sit instead of just lying there, and when she asked to be released so she could at least take a walk around the house, Willow was strongly against it._

"_The only reason she can get out of there is if she's doing something for this house, like cleaning or, or cooking." _

_Faith's face lit up, "Done, I'll cook for ya. Just let me go in the kitchen." _

_She must have seen our shocked expressions because she started to explain, "I was on my own a lot, and I had to take care of myself. Cooking is just a part of it. No biggie and I promise I won't poison you. I haven't done that since…" she trails off, pretending to be thinking really hard. _

"_Ha ha, real funny." I glared at her. "Willow what do you think, should we let her?"_

"_I guess. She's a free loader now, and she should start pitching in. We can give it a test run, but someone should watch her in case she really does try to poison our food." _

_I nod my head in agreement. I slowly unchain her, prepared for anything in case she tries to run but she doesn't. She just rubs her wrist a bit, and asks where the kitchen is. I walk her upstairs, and lean against the counter. There's no way I'm letting her out of my sight. _

_About an hour later I'm practically drooling. Whatever she made smells delicious, and I can't wait to try it. I haven't had a decent meal for a while now. Don't get me wrong, Willow, and Xander do make pretty good simple stuff, but it doesn't even come close to how my mom used to cook, and well, I'm pretty useless when it comes to cooking. _

_She sets the table, and everyone sits down. Willow uses a spell to check if anything's wrong with it. Faith just rolls her eyes, and complains about it getting cold. After about a minute everyone digs in, and to everyone's surprise it tastes even better than it smells. _

_We more or less just inhale our food, and are thoroughly disappointed when lunch is over. "Wow, that was…" Xander starts. _

"_Amazing, delicious, perfect, outstanding… and lots and lots of more adjectives that have a positive meaning."_

_Faith just smiles at that, and rubs the back of her head while she mumbles a thank you._

_I frown, "Is your head still hurting?" She looks confused for a second but then remembers the hand, and quickly pulls it down, "No, it's fine. Just a force of habit." _

"_Liar," but she just ignores me, and picks up the dishes. "What are you doing?" asks Willow._

"_Cleaning up. I made the mess; might as well clean it."_

"_You just don't want to go back in the basement," Xander smiles mischievously probably already planning on how to use this to his advantage. _

"_Do you wanna clean up?" She has a point. I stand up, and help her grab some of the dishes, and bring them to the kitchen sink. I lean back against the counter, and watch her as she rinses the plates with water. _

"_That really was great. If you want we can add you to the schedule we have set up, so you can get out of the basement more often."_

_She smiles for a second, "Yeah, that'd be great. I hate just sitting in the basement, and I haven't cooked in a really long time. I missed it." I give her a little nod, and tell her we'll talk about it later with the others. _

_*****END OF FLASBACK*****_

I slowly walk to the kitchen because I know how she gets when she's hurrying, and sure enough, she's running around the kitchen like a headless chicken. I take in her appearance, short white t-shirt, blue jeans, and again no shoes. I have to admit she does sort of look cute like this, completely lost, and in a desperate need of a comb. Her hair is flying everywhere, and they're all tangled up.

I giggle, and look at the clock. 7.59 aaand it's 8. I look at the table where Willow and Xander are sitting and snickering. She didn't manage to get it done in time because the table's still pretty empty. She managed to throw some bread on it but that's about it. "Fuck!" she curses aloud.

We start laughing, and she just glares. I know she's about to say more so I stop her before this turns into a fight, "just calm down Faith. Take your time, and make breakfast."

She takes a deep breath and walks back into the kitchen. It's amazing how good she got at controlling her temper. The old Faith would've already punched someone by now, but she hasn't. She didn't even yell. Maybe there's hope for her yet. Oh, who am I kidding, as long as she has someone to guide her she'll be fine.

20 minutes later the breakfast is ready, and amazing as always. She made the most delicious waffles, and after we're done eating I help her clean it up.

She's rubbing her head again, "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, fine." She can be so stubborn at times. She hates to show any kind of weakness. For the first week I couldn't even get her to admit she's not sleeping well. Actually now that I think about it, she still hasn't admitted to that. We've all seen the dark circles under her eyes, and every time we try to talk to her about it she just shrugs it off like it's no big deal.

It's kinda weird. She sleeps through most of the day, and when she wakes up she still looks like she hasn't slept in a month. But forcing her to talk about something she doesn't want to is pointless. We'll do something about it if it doesn't stop or if it gets worse.

FPOV

My stomach just won't let up. Today after I've made breakfast I got really nauseous, but everyone else seemed to be fine so I know there was nothing wrong with the food. I can't believe I managed to sleep in again. I got really pissed and bitchy about it too. After lunch Buffy finally got tired of my snarkiness and took me to the backyard to spar.

"Just take it easy 'cause we still have patrol tonight." She warns me. I really do feel like a kid sometimes, except I've never been really good at following rules so sometimes I have this insane urge to just rebel.

"Hey, if you can't handle it, I can go by myself." I suggest, hoping she'll finally give me some breathing space.

No such luck however, "Yeah, right. So you could just find a bar, get drunk, and get some? I don't think so." Damn, she knows me too well. Oh well, at least I can have some fun teasing her about it.

"Why you so against it? You wanna be in it or something? You know how I get after slaying. What's wrong with taking care of the H&H?"

"Just stop. You're not going anywhere without us, and we all know how you get when you drink, and your brain turn off."

I should probably take offense to that but I don't. I know exactly what she means. This one time after I got really wasted I managed to get myself going with three guys at once. It was wicked awesome. I feel myself getting wet just thinking about it. The only downside to that was that I was sore all over the next day, and they sorta robbed me. Took my wallet and everything.

Buffy groaned, and punched me really hard in the head, enough to make me fall to the ground.

"HEY! What was that for?! I thought we were taking a break." I pick myself up.

"Please stop thinking about your sex life when we're sparing."

"What, how did yo-"

"You were grinning, and I can smell you. Sometimes I really wish I didn't have heightened senses."

"Oh c'mon. At least let me daydream. It's bad enough I can't do anything." This is becoming a serious pain in the ass. I love teasing her about it but I didn't have any in so long, and I don't count prison 'cause that wasn't exactly consensual. I'm so horny right now I could probably jump _her _if given the chance.

"Mhm…" she's not even listening anymore. I can tell she's distracted. Probably going off into her own little happy place.

"Listen, I think it's time we wrap it up for today. Besides I'm beat, I'm just gonna go crash for a while so I won't fall asleep on ya in the cemetery."

"Yes, we wouldn't want that." She smiles, but there's a bit of concern in her eyes too. I know she wants to know what's going on, I mean I have been sleeping a lot since I got here, but here's the thing. Every time I fall asleep all I get is nightmares, and I usually wake up feeling even shittier than I did before I fell asleep.

What I'm dreaming about you ask? A bunch of stuff really. They're not slayer dreams or anything like that. Just shit from the big house, that crap that happened before in Sunnydale, my sucky childhood etc. The latest memory that invaded my sleep was about that time when my mother told me that dad's gone.

_*****FLASBACK*****_

"_Get up, you stupid whore!" I wanted to hit her back so much, but you want to know what the fucked up part is? I sort of like it. At least when she's beating me she's noticing me, giving me attention. On most days she'll just ignore me, and pretend I don't exist. Usually my dad would be the one to discipline me, but he hasn't shown for a while now. My mom still hasn't told me where he went or when he's coming back. Not that I miss him or anything, I'm glad he's gone. _

_Usually when he comes home, and sees my mom drunk he just beats her up, and she gets mad, and then she beats me up, tellin' me over and over that all this is my fault. _

_I have no idea how I did this. Honestly I have no idea what I did either. I don't know if she's talking about her getting slapped around, us living in this crappy apartment or her life in general. Or maybe she's refereeing to my dad being gone. There's a bunch of other stuff that I could be responsible for too. _

_I don't even know why they had me. They hate me, they make that very clear, and from all the yelling at me I got the faint idea that they wish I was never born. I have to agree with that one with them. I wish I was never born too. I can't wait to get the fuck out of here._

"_Just stop crying you big baby before you wake someone up." Did I mention it was the middle of the night? She just got home from a bar, and as soon as she saw me on the couch she slapped me as hard as she could. She's been hitting me for the last 20 minutes now, and somewhere in between I started crying. I tried to get her to stop, but she wouldn't. She's too strong for me, and I'm only four. _

_After a while she finally got bored, "Get up, get yourself cleaned up, and go to bed." I quickly picked myself up from the ground 'cause I know if I disobeyed she'd just start hitting me again, and ran to the bathroom. I washed the blood from my hands and face as best as I could, and changed myself into my shirt I used as a PJ. _

_The next morning I found my mom passed out on the couch. I could still smell all the alcohol on her, and it made me want to gag. She reeked really bad. I went to the kitchen, and made us some breakfast. Just a couple of sandwiches 'cause my mom freaks out if I turn on the stove. She's afraid I'm gonna burn down the house. What she doesn't know is that whenever they're both gone I always make myself some lunch and I've never set the kitchen on fire. At least not yet._

_I slowly shake my mom awake. This could either go really good or really bad. Sometimes when I wake her up she gets really pissed, and starts hitting me again, and sometimes she's really nice. I'm prepared for both situations._

"_Mom, wake up. I made breakfast." I touch her shoulder._

"_Go away. Who turned on the fucking lights!" Great, she already sounds pissed, and she's not even fully awake yet. That light isn't the lights though. It's the sun rays from the window 'cause we don't have any curtains. She shouldn't have fallen asleep here. _

"_That's the sun mom." Oh crap, why did I say that?! _

_She rubs her eyes, and looks at me, "Are you trying to be a smart ass, you little piece of shit?!" _

"_No, no! I swear I'm not!"_

"_Oh just shut up, and give me that damn sandwich." I hand it over to her and for a while neither of us says anything. It feels nice, just sitting here, enjoying breakfast with my now sober mom, so of course she has to do something to ruin it. _

"_Your dad… he's not coming back."_

"_What, why?" I'm getting really freaked right now, and I can see my mom is getting annoyed with my asking questions. She gets angry really fast._

"_Because you drove him away. He doesn't want to be with me anymore because you're such a horrible little kid." I start crying, and she gets even madder. By the end of the morning I was lying in the corner of the room, bruised, and silently wiping. _

_*****END OF FLASBACK*****_

Sometimes I can still feel the back of her hand when it connects with my face. That day will probably be forever engraved into my mind. My mom just got worse after that. Before she'd just hit me if dad hit her or if I pissed her off but after that the beatings never stopped. I still don't know what happened to my dad. I guess I don't really want to know either. It sucked either way.

I used to blame him for my mom hitting me, but when he disappeared I remember I wished for him to come back every Christmas. I always wrote a letter to Santa, but he never made the wish come true. When I was seven I finally realized there was no point of writing to Santa anymore, so I stopped.

Doesn't really matter now anyway. I'm not that little helpless kid anymore. Now I can defend myself, and no one is going to hurt me like that anymore. Even in prison I still had at least a little control of what happens to me. Yes, I got beat up a lot, but I still didn't stop fighting. I didn't break, and just give in. Never again will I just let other people walk all over me.

TBC

**A/N: Sorry about the bad "food schedule" chart. If you want you can see a slightly better version of it on my LiveJournal (link is in my profile).  
Guest: If I told you if Faith is okay, I'd spoil the whole story :P  
Thanks for reading :)**


	3. Cold Rain of the Coming Storm

**Warnings: ****F/F, no beta, vulgar language, angst, alcohol etc.**

**Disclaimer: **Buffy the Vampire Slayer belongs to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, 20th Century Fox, UPN and WB Television Networks

_**Chapter 3: Cold Rain of the Coming Storm**_

BPOV

It's 8.20 pm and we were supposed be gone out of the house 20 minutes ago. I can't believe she fell asleep again. After we spared she went to her room, and hasn't shown up since. I've been talking to Willow, and she said she doesn't feel anything supernatural about it.

She wasn't this bad when she first came here. Sure, the first day she slept a lot, but that was only because she was unconscious, and was healing. I tried to help a bit, switch the bandages and stuff like that, but most of the healing happened thanks to Willow. She just used magic, and healed all her worst wounds.

_*****FLASBACK*****_

"_Xander help clear the space." He quickly went to the bed in the corner that he and Will brought down here while I was in LA, and removed the chains from the middle of the bed. I'm holding up a restrained and unconscious Faith bridal style, and I need to put her down as fast as possible. Not because she's heavy or anything like that. Thanks to my slayer strength I could carry her around all day, but her wounds are starting to reopen, and she needs to be still. _

_I gently lay her on the bed, and remove the rope around her hands. I put it on just as a precaution in case she woke up on the ride back here, and decided that opening the door, and jumping out of the car would be better than coming with me. And considering it's Faith we're talking about if she did wake up that probably would have happened. Good thing she doesn't have any Slayer powers right now or I'd have to get something way stronger than a rope for the drive back._

_I go to her side, and carefully put her hands in the restraints attached to the bed. I don't tighten it that much, just enough so she won't be able to break free without extra strength. I do the same thing with her legs, and after I'm done I take a chair and sit next to her. _

"_Will she be okay?" Willow asks._

"_I don't know. I'm not even sure if she has her Slayer abilities right now."_

"_I can check if you'd like." I smile, and thank her. _

"_She doesn't look like much right now." Xander's still holding a knife in his hand, prepared for battle that's not going to happen. Considering the damage done I know she won't wake up anytime soon._

"_Yeah, she almost looks normal now," I smile. Her face is blank, and she reminds me of the time she was in a coma. Nothing on her is revealing what's going on in her head, and I find myself wishing I'd be sleeping so I could share a slayer dream with her. Of course I'm not really sure that'd work since she doesn't have her powers. At least I think she doesn't._

_I look at what Willow's doing, and see her chanting a spell. After about a minute she zones back into reality, "She's still powerless, I don't know why though," she frowns, " but I think we should try to heal her first before we try with any more magic."_

"_I think you're right." I turn to Xander, "Could you please get the first aid kit from the bathroom?"  
He just nods, and heads upstairs. _

"_Maybe I can heal the worst of it 'cause well, she doesn't have Slayer healing and it could take a while." I agree, and Willow starts. _

_After about 10 minutes most of the damage is taken care of, and Willow is exhausted. I tell her to get some sleep while I stay with Faith, and change the bandages on the cuts that remained. Hopefully her Slayer healing will come back, and take care of those. Willow has already done more than enough. _

"_So are you gonna just sit here all the time now?" I hear Xander approaching. _

"_If I have to. We still don't know in what condition she is mentally, and despite all the reassurances I got from Angel about her turning over a new leaf I still don't trust her. And even if I did believe Angel there's no way of telling how the last two months affected her. Maybe she's even more unstable than she was before."_

"_I don't think that's possible." He stretches. _

"_Don't know about that, and really don't want to find out." He pats me on my shoulder, and tells me he's going upstairs right before he leaves. _

_My gaze once again falls on Faith, and I just stay there starring at her. I hope she's alright. She was barely breathing before Willow did her thing, and I don't really know if her magic works on the internal injuries or just external. _

_I might hate her, but I really don't want her to die. We did have some fun together, you know, before she went all evil and started killing people. I think that was mostly the Mayor's fault though. He ordered her to do those things, and yeah she had a choice, but it's not like she's one to think with her own head. She was probably just trying to get rid of the guilt, or really _really _confused, and he took her under his wing. We at least won't have to worry about that happening again. _

_It's actually ironic how the only reason we're all still here is because I could use the Mayor's love for Faith against him. It's slightly disturbing to see that they could care for each other that much. Evil was supposed to be well evil. No love there, just… evil. But they did genuinely care, I mean the Mayor's rage when he found Faith in the hospital, and Faith's fury when she found out he died proved that pretty well. _

_I stayed there the whole day, just watching her, and thinking. I have to admit she does look sort of beautiful like this. I'm not blind, I know she's hot, everyone with eyes can see that, and her dressing like a prostitute helps clear that out. But right now, when she's like this, looking all innocent and peaceful, she looks… beautiful. I stand up, walk to her, and caress her forehead. She's not feverish anymore, and the bleeding at the back of her head stopped, but she's still not out of the woods yet. _

_*****END OF FLASBACK*****_

She did wake up after a day, and after a couple of days, all her injuries healed. I really do love Slayer healing.

"Ready to go B?" she skipped down the stairs towards the door. She didn't look as bad as she did last night, and I'm very grateful for that. A sleepy Slayer is a dead slayer or potentially dead slayer at least.

"Yeah, I was ready half an hour ago." I say pointedly. She decides to ignore me again, and just walks out the door. I groan, and follow her.

It's not like I have a choice or anything. We're still not letting her from our sight, after all it's only been like a month, and patrols must be kept or Giles will start with his lectures again, and I really don't want to hear another "it's your sacred duty" speech or I just might go insane. And we already have one sanity deprived Slayer; I think that fills our quota.

"C'mon B, try to keep up will ya," Faith says impatiently. She's practically running to the cemetery.

"Why, are you in a hurry? Hot date or something?" I tease. I know she doesn't have a date, what with her being locked up in the house most of the time, and supervised the rest.

"Ha, ha, didn't know you were a comedian too. Here's a tip for ya, stick to your day job."

"I don't have a day job."

"I wonder why." She murmurs, but I unfortunately hear her, and send her a glare.

"Look who's talking, _Miss I never take any responsibility._"

"Hey! I did my time, or at least part of it, the leaving part was not my choice. I told you to send me back, but nooo… You just had to keep me in Sunnyhell 'cause you apparently don't even trust me enough to let me rot in the freaking jail!" she was yelling by the time she ended her little rant.

This is so not going to end well. I need to defuse the situation or this might turn ugly, and I can't have ugly right now, not without back up anyway. I take a deep breath, and will myself to calm down.

"I'm sorry. I was just trying to do the right thing, and you dying in jail isn't exactly okay. Besides you can redeem yourself way better out here, slaying the bad guys, than slowly dying in the big house.

She visibly relaxed when she saw that I'm not going to yell at her, "Why didn't you just say that to me on the roof? You're the one who wanted me to go there in the first place."

"I know, and I'm sorry. I was angry, and I didn't think things through, but I get it now. I see what Angel was trying to tell me, and just…" I sigh, "you can do a lot of good out here, and the only reason I couldn't see that before was because I didn't think you were even capable of it. I'm sorry."

Her face is completely blank at the moment. I can't read her at all. She takes a big breath after a while and smiles weakly at me. I know she's not happy with what I said, but she's willing to let it go, and not turn it into another big fight. Another big change.

FPOV

We've been here now for like four hours already, and we've only managed to patrol through 8 of the 12 cemeteries located in the 'Dale. For such a small town they sure have a lot of those. B's been talkin' my ears off about the sale the local mall is having.

It's really fucking annoying and it's starting to get on my nerves. Of course telling her to shut up might result in another fight, and me chained up again. Although right now, I'd rather be locked up in the basement than listening to her trying to convince me to go shopping – under adult supervision of course.

"C'mon Faith, you need new clothes. You can't wear leather all the time, and the ones that Angel sent you are old." She pleaded.

"I have more clothes at my old apartment. Maybe we can swing by on our way back." She cringed at my suggestion. The Mayor's place still has all my stuff, and that includes my wardrobe. Yeah, Angel sent all my clothes I took with me when I went to LA, but most of it stayed here.

"Why would you wanna go back there?"

"I don't know. Maybe I like the atmosphere," I give her my best evil face, and then continue, "or maybe, 'cause of all my clothes that are still there!" Wow, I'm doing a real poor job at proving I'm not evil anymore. Now, I get why they still lock me up.

"Oh relax. Why are you so grumpy today?" I stop walking and try to calm myself down. I wanna punch her so bad right now, and I get lucky 'cause five vamps show up, _Thank god!_ Three go after me, and two go after Buffy. Figures, they always think the small ones are less of a threat. Well they're in for a surprise. Not that she's a bigger threat or anything, they're just gonna be surprised is all.

One asshole tried to land a hit straight to my face, but I dodged, and kicked his legs out from under him. I'd stake him, but I can't 'cause two other shit heads are throwing punches left and right, and not giving me much space. Five seconds later he's back up, and advancing towards me. I do a spin kick, and hit the guy on my left in the jaw, and quickly push the stake in. That's one. I wonder how B's doing.

I take a quick glance at Buffy, and see she's fighting them off pretty easily as expected, but doesn't have the right opening to finish 'em off yet. I groan when the asshole hits my shoulder and retaliate, delivering a wicked kick to his balls. He howls in pain, and steps back. I smirk, you gotta love guys.

Anyway I evade the next attack from the remaining shit head, and quickly launch the stake into his chest. Upon seeing the ash I turn around, and proceed to the asshole. He straightens out, and tries to fight but we both know who will win, and after about two minutes it's done.

I still hear fighting in the background so I know Buffy's still sparring, and as soon as I turn around, ready to assist, she kicks the remaining vampire in me, and I land on my ass. What's that horrible smell?! This dude seriously needs to reconsider his cologne choice. My stomach starts turning on itself, and I get up, and sprint to the nearest bush. I puck my guts out, and after I'm done I notice Buffy's hands gently holding back my hair. Huh, I didn't even feel it before.

"Faith, are you alright?" She asks, worry written all over her face.

"Yeah, I'm five by five. Must have been something I ate." I try to play it off.

"C'mon, let's get you home, and we'll figure out the reason." I get up with Buffy's help. My feet feel kind of wobbly, and she slowly guides me towards the Summers residence.

"Will, Xand, come here!" Buffy yells as we enter the house. I flinch from the loud noise. She just had to yell right next to my ear. I hear shuffling in the kitchen as I make my way towards the couch, and sit down. The annoying blonde sits down beside me.

"Hey Buff, you're back." Red grins when she enters the living room, with Xander right behind her.

"Didn't think you'd be done this fast, what with all the 12 cemeteries, and lots and lots of new dead people."

"We had to make tonight's patrol sort of short 'cause Faith threw up." Three pairs of eyes landed on me, and I sighed in frustration. I seriously hate all the attention.

"It was nothing really, probably just ate something bad."

Buffy decides to ignore me again, and looks at Willow, "Will?"

"I don't know Buff. She seems okay now. Maybe it really was just something she ate, although now I'd like to know what you ate so we can avoid us getting sick too."

"Um…" I don't really remember, "Breakfast, lunch, and dinner?" They frown,

"Anything else in between?"

"No, nothing I can think of."

"Well that doesn't make any sense. We all ate that too, and none of us got sick. In fact if someone would get sick because of it, Faith and Buffy would probably be the last two 'cause of the Slayer metabolism." Thought Willow.

"Honestly, don't know, don't care. Can we talk in the morning? 'cause I'm pretty beat, and just wanna go to sleep for like a week. Hey, that rhymed," I grin, and stand up. Everyone looks at me like I'm on crack.

Buffy stands up, and looks me straight in the eyes, "You didn't drink again, did you?"

"What? No! I didn't drink. Can I just go now?" I seriously feel like a kid again. Although if she was my momma I'm sure I'd like the beatin'. Little S&M can be fun.

She held my gaze for a while, and I didn't' back down. After about half a minute she lets go, "C'mon let's get you to your room."

"You know, I puked. I didn't suddenly lose the ability to walk or remember where my room is." I knew there was no point in arguing with her when she gets like this but I still tried.

She grabbed my hand, and dragged me upstairs. Once we were in my room, she started going through my closet, and drawers. I hate when she does this but I'd probably be the same if I was in her position. Considering my track record, I'd search for booze too, and at least I get a great view of her ass when she bends.

"Hey B, whatcha ya looking for?" I already know the answer, but again I try…

"Any kind of liquor. If I were you I'd tell me where it is so you won't get in any more trouble."

"Then you're gonna be looking for a really long time 'cause I don't have any." I sit down on the bed, and after five minutes she gives up, satisfied she hasn't found anything. At least not this time. It's true I didn't drink tonight, but I have in the past. That didn't go so well…

_*****FLASBACK*****_

_I was stumbling through the kitchen, and just hit a counter all prepared for a very (un)graceful landing on the floor when a blur of blonde hair caught me, and let me go as soon as I looked stable. _

"_You okay there, Faith?" The blur asked._

"_Huh? Yeah, yeah, Five by five." My voice was thick with Boston accent. I managed to get Spike to sneak me some liquor through the window. I've been here for two weeks now, and can happily say that I am no longer a resident in the basement. This was my little way of celebrating it. _

_The reason I left my room was because I became really hungry, and hey, kitchen's where the hunger's slayed, or something like that. I am a Slayer after all, if something needs slaying that's where I'll be or should I run in the opposite direction considering I like to play for the bad guys? Nah, I'm the good guy now, or at least trying to be. I should at least try to do the right thing. What's the right thing again? I need to slay something, but what? Food, there was definitely food involved. I should go to the fridge; maybe I'll remember when I see it. _

_I take two steps forward and stop. Why is everything spinning? _

"_Faith what are you doing?" The twin sister of the blonde blur asks. Why are they becoming one person, and then going back to two? I'm pretty sure that's not normal. Maybe I'm drunk or there is another apocalypse coming. Probably the later, although those two are hot, and I'm horny. I think I just slayed something so I have a feeling the horny part of the double H's is coming to affect. This can't be good; I have to warn B about the apocalypse before I jump this beauty. Maybe she'll do it for me._

"_Hey you two, could you do me a favor?" The blurs look behind them, but quickly return their focus on me. Huh, I won't even have to try. They both already can't stop looking at me. _

"_Faith what's going on? Who's here besides us?" I give her my best man eating smile, but frown when I remember something. I'm supposed to warn B about the apocalypse._

"_Could you tell B something for me?" I don't wait for her response, "Tell her, that Faith is telling her, that she thinks apocalypse is near. She's starting to see people becoming one, and then falling out of each other again. It's wicked weird. Also the furniture is moving, and the food needs to be slayed."_

"_You're drunk." The blur states, and moves towards me. Perfect, now I don't have to worry about the furniture moving again when I lean in to do this. As soon as she's in my reach I grab her by her waist, and pull her into me._

_I lean my head a little to the right, and softly kiss her. I wait for her to respond and when she doesn't I release her. "I'm sorry, I thought you wanted this."_

"_I didn't, and come one, you little drunk. Let's go tell Buffy in your room. _

_She half carried me up the stairs, and sat me down on the bed while she searched for all the bottles of alcohol, and threw them away. _

_*****END OF FLASBACK*****_

I got a nice and long lecture about responsible drinking that time, and Spike took most of the blame. The second time I showed up drunk I had to get out of the house to get to the bar 'cause Spike didn't want to bring me booze anymore after that little incident.

That time she didn't just lecture me; she completely flipped out, and started yelling. It wasn't so much that I've gotten drunk that was the problem, it was more that I was drowning my sorrows in a bottle and didn't come home all night that did it.

TBC

**A/N: Anon: **Thanks for the awesome review. I agree, Faith is an adult (although barely), and I could've given her more freedom than she has now. I'm basing her behavior on two things: 1. She still feels guilty, and that's why she doesn't rebel (at least not completely), 2. She never had a good mother figure or people looking out for her, so although she hates it on the outside it's nice for her to have a stable home. There will be fights, so don't worry about Faith doing everything they say.**  
DarkWolf300: **Yeah, I'm a natural disaster in the kitchen too. They'll figure it out... eventually :)**  
Fallen Priestess: **Thanks, there's going to be a lot of flashbacks, so don't worry about that ;)**  
brittsany: **Sorry, it would be way to big a spoiler if I told you :)**  
Thanks for reading :)**


	4. Shadows of Regrets

**Warnings: ****F/F, no beta, vulgar language, angst, etc.**

**Disclaimer: **Buffy the Vampire Slayer belongs to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, 20th Century Fox, UPN and WB Television Networks

_**Chapter 4: Shadows of Regrets**_

BPOV

So she didn't drink, but I already knew that. I had the pleasure of seeing her drunk in the past; actually I had the pleasure of her groping me when drunk in the past, followed by a kiss. Gotta say, she can still kiss even if she's intoxicated. That was one of the better ones, and not at all what I'd expect from her.

She didn't even really force herself on me. As soon as she saw I'm not into it, she let go. Of course the reason I wasn't into it was because she was drunk out of her fucking mind, and reeked of alcohol. The kiss itself was very nice, and if given when she was sober I might've actually responded.

There's still a matter of figuring out why she vomited. I mean, people don't just spontaneously barf in the middle of a fight. God, maybe there is something seriously wrong with her. Maybe this is another big bad trying to make a name for himself by ending a slayer, or in worst case scenario, the whole slayer line.

Which if they wanted to actually do, they'd have to do it through Faith. I'm not the slayer anymore, she is. The line goes through her, and that makes her the number one target. Being the slayer automatically makes you the number one enemy to the whole underground.

Not that I stopped being their enemy when I died, and passed on the line. No, the slayer gig isn't over until you're dead, or in my case even after that.

I snap myself out of that memory, and tell her to lie down. She does as told, and I caress her forehand checking for fever.

"Whatcha doing there B?"

"Shut up, Faith. You're still not of the hook."

"Would you just relax? You know I don't know what I'm doing half of the time. I really did just probably eat something, and don't remember it now. Probably just a bad combo."

She's right. She's such a pig when it comes to food. She'll eat anything, and half an hour later when asked what she ate, she won't remember a thing.

"You really need to start taking care of yourself better."

"Yikes, health advice from the chick who died twice." I slap her playfully, and move to the door.

"I'm still alive aren't I?" I smile slightly at her.

She doesn't say anything for a while, but then slowly nods. "Yeah, you are." What does that mean? God, she can be so cryptic at times.

I shake myself from my thoughts, "Go to sleep, Fai. It's late, and you obviously need it." She frowns, but doesn't say anything as I close the door behind me, and leave.

Back in the living room I turn to Willow, hoping she found something.

"Any luck?" I ask.

"No, you?"

"No. She doesn't have any alcohol in her room, and besides, she wasn't acting drunk, just grumpy with a note of weird."

"Do you think it's somehow slayer-related?" asked Xander.

"I don't know. I'm not sure why'd anyone want her to puke."

"How about this: If it happens again we'll look into it, but right now, I don't think it's time to panic yet. This is Faith we're talking about, she's not exactly Lesley Sugg. We'll cross that bridge when we come to it."

Willow always the voice of reason, at least lately. She wasn't though at the beginning. She and Faith would get into screaming matches, and it would take me and Xander to calm them down. A couple of times I was sure they're going to kill each other, but they didn't.

It always started with light banter and evolved into a full blown out screaming match, and an attempt at a slayer vs. witch match. I have no idea who'd won in that one. They're both struggling with control, and if one of 'em lost it completely there'd be hell to pay. I remember the last time that happened. It was in the second week of her stay with us, and it was not pretty.

_*****FLASHBACK*****_

"_Faith whatcha doing?" I asked as I came back inside through the kitchen door. I peered around her shoulder, and saw a huge sandwich she was trying to cover up._

"_Nothing B, just getting something to eat. I'm starved."_

"_You're always starved." Said Willow, coming in to get some coffee._

"_What can I say; I do a lot of exercise." She winks, and I groan. That's such a Faith thing to say, and although I pretend it annoys me it's actually quite comforting to know that some things never change. Unlucky for us though, not everyone shares my opinion._

"_You never change, do you?" Willow shakes her head, and starts drinking her coffee._

"_You don't want me to change. This way you don't have to worry about me doing something on your turf." Why does it feel like I'm missing something? There's a turf in foods? _

"_Oh, trust me. You have no chance on my turf. Way out of your league." Um… again, what? There's a league in sandwiches? Is this some kind of power struggle between a witch and a slayer? Should I be involved? I wonder who'd win in a fight between these two. It'd probably be a complete disaster._

"_You wanna bet?" Faith stands up straight, and looks about ready to fight. _

_Willow snorts, "And this is exactly why you'd lose. Gambling, drinking, smoking and God knows how many other drugs and addictions we don't know about. You couldn't beat me if you were completely sane, what makes you think you could take me like that."_

"_You're one to talk. Last time I checked I wasn't the only who lost her marbles. Your addiction is way worse than mine." Wow, Faith really knows where to strike to hurt. She's always been good at pushing people's buttons, but wow._

"_Do not compare me to you! You choose to fight for the mayor. Nobody forced you, nobody close to you died, nobody betrayed you."_

"_That's not true, and we both know it."_

"_Yeah, but we both know it's not why you switched. You just didn't want to face the consequences of your actions. You decided to take the easy way out. It's easier to run than get hurt, right Faith?"_

"_Shut up!" She hissed._

"_Oh, don't tell me I'm getting to you? You know it wouldn't be like this if you weren't such a pussy. If someone starts seeing you as the bad guy, you're supposed to prove them wrong. You're supposed to fight for what you love, not give up, and choose to fight…"_

"_I swear to God Red, if you don't shut up now, I'm going to…"_

"_What?! Cut me?! Newsflash Slayer, you can't do anything. I'm not the same person I was then, so your lousy threats won't work on me anymore." Faith's getting frustrated. She's about to snap, and use that knife she's holding in her right hand._

"_Will…" _

"_No, don't Buffy. She can handle herself. Stop babying her because she's not a victim. We are, if you forgot."_

"_I wasn't…"_

"_B, I can fight my own battles, just stay out of this. And no Red, I'm not going to cut you 'cause what would be the point of that? You know I can hurt you just as bad without using any physical force."_

"_Promises, promises. Stop throwing around empty threats, and…"_

"_Fine, you want me to make good on my promise?! No fuckin' problem." She lunges, and I manage to catch her before she makes contact. I pin her to the counter, and restrain her. She starts struggling, and I look into her eyes. She's not here. _

_The light in her eyes is gone, and I know the darkness has her right now. "Faith… Faith, calm down." She doesn't stop struggling._

"_Will, why the hell did you do that?!" I look behind my shoulder._

_She shrugs, "It's not my fault she can't control her temper."_

_I take a deep breath before I respond 'cause I know I'd say something I'd regret later otherwise, "Did you have to provoke her?"_

_Faith knees me in the stomach, and I temporarily lose my grip. She breaks free, and lunges for Willow again. I grab her by her shoulder before she makes contact, and spin her around. I trip her, and straddle her waist. She doesn't stop struggling. _

"_XANDER!" I yell for him, and he immediately comes running. _

_Same ole reliable Xan. "What's up Buff?"_

"_Not much, you know, just lunging around on the floor. Could you please pass me the chains?"_

_He looks at me, and then at Faith, "Um, sure. Just a sec."_

_*****END OF FLASHBACK*****_

After he came back, I dragged Faith to the basement. It took her three hours to calm down, and she refused to talk to anyone for the rest of the day. When I asked her if she wants me to unchain her, and go upstairs, she just turned around on the bed in the corner, and ignored me. I left her alone after that, and I would have given her space if she wouldn't have gotten drunk that night.

She bailed, and when I went to check on her around midnight she just wasn't here. We searched the whole house, and were really close to starting a search party, but we figured we should at least wait until the morning. No reason to panic before that.

She did come back. I found her in the morning, sleeping by the toilet. I have no idea for how long I have screamed at her that day. She really scared me, and I made it clear she can't just keep drinking her problems away. She needs to start being responsible, and not disappear and avoid everything.

I also had a long talk with Willow that didn't go so well. She refused to take responsibility for pushing Faith, and continued with her claim that it was all her fault. It continued like that for a while until the middle of the third week, when they all of a sudden got better. They don't exactly have heart to hearts, but they're definitely friendlier. I have no idea what happened, but whatever did, I'm just glad. I don't know what I'd do if they tried to kill each other.

FPOV

I'm just lying here, trying to figure out what just happened. They're completely overreacting. This kinda stuff happens to me all the freakin' time. No need to have a hissy fit over it. And how can she go from angry to concerned in a second?! I seriously don't get her.

I get myself ready for bed, and turn in. Honestly I'm not feeling that hot right now. Maybe I am getting sick. God, I hope not. I hope this is really just something I ate. The last time I was actually sick was before I became a slayer, and even then it was just a mild cold. I've always been resilient to diseases, and never cared much for takin' vitamins and shit like that. The alcohol usually burnt all the bacteria in my body. At least it was good for something.

I have no idea when I've fallen asleep. I woke up at 6 am feeling queasy, and when I made a move to get out of bed I had no other choice but to sprint to the bathroom before I completely destroyed the carpet in the guest bedroom. I must have made a lot of noise because Red came out of her room, looking like she just woke up, which granted she probably did, to check out the noise. I didn't have much time to dwell on it though as another pukefest began.

"Faith, is that you?" I heard footsteps approaching the bathroom. She hesitated at the doorway but then proceeded to my side, and held my hair. A month ago she would've laughed at what was going on right now, but we're cool now.

Got it sorted out. Sort of. We're not going to be besties or anything like that 'cause well… jealousy is an ugly thing, but we developed some kind of respect for each other. We would have killed each other if we continued like we started. In the third week, we both finally had enough.

We were home alone. Xander was out grocery shopping, and B was working. We had another argument and almost came to blows. She didn't know what to do. She wanted to control me, but knew she couldn't kill me, so she tried to drag me to the basement again. I let her. I knew if I did anything to her, B would kill me. I let her drag me down, and start chaining me to the wall.

_*****FLASHBACK*****_

"_Do we have to do this again?" I asked exasperated. I am getting so tired of being dragged down here every time someone has a disagreement with me. By someone I mean Willow. _

"_Do you have to be a psychotic murdering bitch?" I clench my jaw. I am so tired of this bullshit. She keeps taking cheap shoots. I swear to God if she says one more thing like this I'm seriously gonna hurt her._

"_What no response? Did you finally wise up, and decided to shut up? Maybe while you're at it could you possibly leave, and stop ruining our lives?!"_

"_I ruined your lives?! Don't blame me for the witch's death! That was all you, Red."_

_Oh crap, I'm dead. Before I can say another word, and possibly apologize, she has me in a death choke via magic. I can't breathe, and I can't move. Her eyes have turned pitch black, and now I see how a pissed off Willow looks like. _

"_Red… 't… do…t-this." I manage to breathe out. She doesn't listen as expected. She lost it. I really, really hope Buffy comes home fast or I'm dead. _

_I manage to break the no-moving spell she cast, and lung at her, my breathing still an issue. I throw her to the ground, and slap her twice, finally getting back my supply of air. I collapse beside her, and just breathe. Her eyes aren't black anymore so I'm not too worried about her losing it again. _

_After about 5 minutes of complete silence I hear Red whisper,_

"_I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. I just…" I sit up and move closer to Red. I know what it's like to lose control like that, and I know how it feels like when it's over. She has tears running down her face and I can't take it. I never could take people crying. _

_I contemplate for a second on what to do, and then awkwardly embrace her. This way I at least won't have to see her crying. She sniffs twice and then continues, "I really am sorry. It's just Tara… I thought I had better control. God, you could've been the next Warren… "_

"_Hey, it's okay. It happens. We're all fighting with our dark sides, the only difference is that ours can do a lot more damage than that of most people."_

"_I thought I had better control. I thought that after my trip to England this summer I'd be better…" she starts crying again._

"_You are, better I mean. I just… I kept pushing you until you lost it, I'm sorry. I won't mention Tara again."_

_We just stayed there for a while until she stopped crying. When it got too awkward I released her, and quickly moved away to the bed. _

_She pulled herself together as best as she could, "You d-don't have to stay down here. You can come back upstairs, that is if you want to. Buffy should be home soon, so if you don't feel safe enough to be around me alone I can probably go to my bedroom and stay there, you know, until she gets here."_

"_Nah Red, it's okay. I feel safer with you than I do with most people. And don't worry about the incident before, B doesn't need everything." I wink. She gives me a smile, and goes upstairs with me following close behind._

_*****END OF FLASHBACK*****_

And that was that. Everything changed between us that day. There was almost no hostility after that. She stopped pushing my buttons, and I stooped pushing hers. We get along just fine now.

Finally it stopped. I think I just coughed up everything I ate in the last few days. I close my eyes, lean back against Willows legs, and just try to control my breathing.

"Hey, are you okay?"

It takes me a second to respond, "Yeah, I just need to pull myself together."

I make a move to get up, but am a little unsteady, and she gently pulls me up. I get to the sink, and start rinsing my mouth out.

"Come on, you should lie down on the couch, and I'll get you something to eat."

**TBC**


	5. Defying Authority

**Warnings: ****F/F, no beta, vulgar language, angst, etc.**

**Disclaimer: **Buffy the Vampire Slayer belongs to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, 20th Century Fox, UPN and WB Television Networks

_**Chapter 5: Defying Authority**_

BPOV

As soon as I came downstairs in the morning I knew something was wrong. Faith was lying down on the couch, and Will was sitting near her, talking to her.

"Hey guys, what's up?" I came around, and sat near Willow. I took in the sight of Faith, and noticed she hasn't changed her clothes yet. She was still in her boy shorts and a tank top. It's weird seeing her up at 7 am.

"Nothing B. Red's just harassing me, and not letting me go back to sleep." I look at Willow for answers, and she gives me a sheepish smile.

"Sorry Faith. I didn't know you still wanted to go back to bed. I'll let you rest." She made a move to get up, and I followed. We went back into the kitchen, and I poured myself a cup of coffee.

"What's going on?" I asked as soon as I took a sip of the warm liquid.

"I woke up at 6 am because of a loud noise, and when I went out to investigate I found Faith in the bathroom, leaning over the toilet."

"Oh, it happened again. Is she okay now? I mean, I know I saw her just a minute ago, and she looked fine, but is she?"

"Yeah, as far as I can tell. She said she's still feeling nauseous, but doesn't think she'll have a repeat performance right now. God, I hope she won't. I can't figure out why it's happening though. I did a simple spell to check for any magical signatures, but nothing came up. "

I glance in the living room to see Faith holding onto her stomach. She's lying on her side, and trying to sleep, although it doesn't seem like it's working.

"Maybe I should go, and check on her."

"Probably pointless. She doesn't have fever or anything like that, I checked. Maybe we should just let her sleep, 'cause you know how she gets if she's woken up early. Bitchy all day, and all with the grrr."

I smile at her, she's right, I know that, but it doesn't look like she'll be able to go back to sleep anyway. Since when did I get so concerned about her? A few years back I tried to kill her, and now I'm panicking 'cause she can't keep her food down.

It's weird seeing her like this. She was always the badass, the one that didn't care, and nothing could get to her. And now she's here, on the couch barely keeping it together. Even when she was beat up, she never looked so vulnerable before. Okay, maybe when she was in a coma, but she quickly corrected that image. Any sympathy I felt for her then was erased as soon as she went after my mother.

I can't believe how much has changed since then. I never thought we'd be able to fix it. I was so sure we're never going to be even close to friends, and now everything's so different. I didn't trust her at first, I mean who would, but after I heard her talking to Angel on the phone, I started seeing her for her, and not a menace and a pain in the ass anymore.

Don't get me wrong, I still think she can be a real pain the ass sometimes, but it doesn't bother me so much anymore now that I've given her a chance. What changed you ask? Well, I sort of listened in on her conversation with Angel on the phone.

Three days after I took Faith to Sunnydale, he called and asked about her. After I gave him my report, he requested to speak to her. Me being the sucker I am, I went down to the basement, and gave her the phone.

I pretended to leave to give her some privacy, but there was no way in hell I'd let her completely out of my sight. I still didn't trust her, and she could've just hang up on Angel, and called some of her prison buddies to get her out of this. Not that it would help; still I didn't want to take a chance.

_*****FLASHBACK*****_

_I leaned at the door to the basement, and listened to the conversation._

_"I'm fine. Would've been better if I wasn't chained up in the basement though."_

_"Yeah, I know it's just a precaution, still sucks."_

_"Some favor. I still think I'd be better off in prison." I snort at that, but quickly cover my mouth so she doesn't hear me._

_"Better. Red healed me, so no biggie. Fang, do I really have to be here? The hate is pretty mutual, and honestly I'd rather be killed by you than stay here."_

_"Yeah, yeah. No pain, no gain, right?"_

_"I know. I just wish I could help. I'm almost completely healed by now. Why can't I just come back to LA, and give you a hand?"_

_"It's not just that. I just don't want anything happening to my favorite vamp, my watcher, Queen C, Gunn, and Fred."_

_"You suck, you know that?"_

_"She's okay, I guess. She's not sure what she's doing, and I have a feeling like she doesn't want to be here all that much."_

_"No, I mean it seems like she's not that happy to be alive. She's forcing herself to do everything. I think losing Dawn and her mom took a lot out of her. You should be here, and try to help_

_her deal. She needs your comfort more than me."_

_"Anything, you know that."_

_"I'm not sure I'm the right person for that. Maybe you should talk to Red about this. I really doubt she'll ever let me past her walls."_

_"Yeah, you're right. But I'm probably the last person she'll want to talk to about this."_

_"Just because we have that Slayer bond doesn't mean it's all forgiven! There is no way in hell she'll let me anywhere near her. Hell will freeze over before she'll actually trust me enough to do that._

_"_  
_…  
"Fine, but my death is on you, Dead boy."_

_"Bye."_

_*****END OF FLASHBACK*****_

It wasn't so much what she said, but more how she said it. She was actually concerned about my behavior, and that made me smile at the time. I never knew she could actually care. Until then I've always sort of seen her as this psychotic bitch, and barely treated her as a human being. Soon after that I gave her some slack, and had the privilege of tasting her cooking.

Angel called every week to get an update on the situation, and always wanted to talk to Faith afterwards. They really have become close, and I've realized that they understood each other when it came to fighting darkness so I didn't bitch about the big phone bill. Sometimes they talked for hours, and after the second time he called, I stopped listening in.

I wish she could talk to me about this, but I know trust goes both ways. It's not like I talk about my problems or feelings with her. We're comfortable with each other, but not really that close. She never forced me to talk about my problems, and I never pushed her either. Sometimes in the evenings we'd just sit on the back porch, and stare at the sky.

I don't know when it started, but I'm not complaining. It's comforting to know I'm not the only one anymore, and that I share the burden of the world. That's sort of become our ritual now. Every day from 6 pm until about 7 pm one of us would bring beers from the fridge, and we'd just lean back, and relax.

We barely say a word to each other, but our slayer bond is always the loudest then. Most of the time it's barely there, I mean it never goes completely away, but in those evenings when we just sit there it's like every nerve in my body is on fire. I feel her all around me, and it's amazing.

FPOV

I clutch my stomach in a feeble attempt to stop the horrible queasiness. Why won't it just stop?! Is this the PtBs revenge for my abuse of the calling? God, just kill me now. I realize I'm being a little dramatic but this is horrible. This is nothing like the usual "I just drank a couple of bottles of Jack" feeling, this is more like "I just ate the whole Sunnydale, and then went on every roller-coaster in Disney world" feeling.

It won't' leave me alone even to let me sleep. _I want to sleep!_ And now I'm whining in my head. God, I'm turning into B. For fucks sake, I need to get the fuck outta here before I start babbling like them too, 'cause if that happens then I'll know for sure the world is really going to end this time. Could this get any worse?! Don't answer that. I really don't want to think about all the things that could make this sitch even more fuckin' awful.

I feel a gentle hand on my forehead before I see blue jeans standing in front of my face. I groan, and try to shake her off. She senses it, and pulls her hand back, but not before she brushes away the stray hair that's obscuring my face.

"Scoot over." She demands before pushing my torso slightly away from the edge. I do as she says, and look down at her, now that she's sitting so near me. How can she look so good just getting out of bed? Her long blonde hair should be a mess like mine and not so perfectly arranged. Of course I never did really comb my hair. Usually I just run my hand through it to control it just a little. Hard to keep a comb with yourself when you're living on the streets, and are just happy to have a bed to sleep in every night. I sigh, and she looks at me,

"You feeling any better?"

"Not really. Should pass though."

"Do you wanna go back to bed? I can help you up. Maybe I can even carry you." She has that glint in her eyes, and I know she's trying to cause trouble.

I just glare at her, "Do that, and we're going back to having just one Slayer, and don't forget that if I die, someone else gets called, Blondie."

She's amused, and I'd probably be too if I didn't just smell breakfast. She sees my attention's been averted, and follows my gaze.

"Yeah, Xander finally got up and is starting on breakfast. I think he said something about pancakes."

"You've got to be kidding me. He'll burn the whole house down." She's amused again. So what if I'm a little over dramatic right now. It's a real possibility.

"Ah yes, the dangers of cooking. However, I don't see you getting up, and rushing to the kitchen, so I'm gonna guess you're not that concerned about the house. Scared he's gonna burn it?" I just glare at her again. How the fuck does she know me so well?! I guess my loud stomach could have given her a clue. I tighten my hold on it, and try to muffle the sounds.

"It's no use Faith. Now that that beast is awake you have to feed it. And we should hurry before we get noise complaint from our neighbors." My glare never leaves, but I can't stop the grin that's quickly spreading over my face. I soon give up on my attempt to look offended, and snicker.

"Come on, we should go to the dining room." She pulls me up by my hands, and pats me on the shoulder blades as a go ahead.

I managed to get through breakfast without my food returning, and I gotta admit X-man's not so bad at this. I know I've been here awhile now, but he never really cooked anything that wasn't pre-prepared. Anyway, 'cause I was okay for the rest of the day, I managed to convince B to let me on patrol with her.

She was really against it at first, but Red backed me up, and that was that. She hates it though. She gave me a bunch of reasons why I shouldn't go, and when I reassured her that I'm fine now, and it won't happen again, she finally relented. By relented I mean, she threatened that if it happens again, I'm on bed rest for the rest of the week.

I really hope it won't happen again 'cause I couldn't stand staying still for two seconds right now, a whole week would be just torture. I 'forgot' to mention that that nauseous feeling never really went away. I just held it back as best as I could when I felt like I was two seconds away from decorating the couch. I'm hoping some air and exercise will help the feeling pass.

We were in the fifth cemetery, teasing each other when it happened again. I had a repeat performance in the bushes, and Buffy just sighed exasperated, and moved to help me.

After I was done, she dragged me back home, and given me a lecture that basically just said "I told you so." I ignored most of it, and just sat there and listened to the radio blaring in the kitchen. I started humming along with the song I loved, and Buffy's voice abruptly stopped. I looked at her to figure out if she's done or if she's been distracted, and I found her staring at me with a glare firmly set.

"You didn't hear a word I just said, did you?" She said, annoyed. I shrugged, and leaned back, waiting for another lecture to start about me not listening. She sighed clearly tired of my behavior.

"Fine, we'll talk about this tomorrow. Just go to bed for now." I quickly made a move to get up, and practically ran to my room.

I never did respond well to people lecturing me. I've always hated the authority, and when someone acts like my mother or what my mother was supposed to act like, I zone out. I hate when someone tries to control me, and this is no different. I'm always gonna do stuff my own way, and if someone doesn't like it, they can just piss off. The fact that it was Buffy kept me from lashing out or just running out, but I still didn't want to hear it. I will need to learn to control it though if I want to repair my relationship with the Scooby gang, and regain their trust.

Last time I lashed out like that was in prison. It was before they took my powers away. Some chick from A-block tried to help me out by warning me I was pissing off some of the major players in the joint. I guess I should have listened to her, now that I think about it.

She cornered me, and gave me a 5 minute long speech about how dangerous the place was. I was clenching my fists the whole time, and holding myself back. I thought I knew exactly how dangerous it really was, and I couldn't believe she had the nerve to talk to me like I was a fish. I decided I wanted to show her just what she's really dealing with, and beat her a bit.

She never approached me again, and I'm pretty sure she was one of the bitches that cornered me in the showers soon after I lost my powers. I can't be sure though 'cause I was already dazed by being hit in the head from behind when I finally did manage to turn around to face the jackasses.

Point is, I don't do well with authority, and I don't do well with people telling me what to do. As I sit here on the bed, I try to think of as many excuses as I can for Buffy to let me go back to patrol. I know I fucked up twice now, but I doubt it's gonna happen again. The nausea finally went away and I'm feeling as good as new. … sorta.

**TBC**


	6. The Ordinary

**Warnings: ****F/F, no beta, vulgar language, angst, etc.**

**Disclaimer: **Buffy the Vampire Slayer belongs to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, 20th Century Fox, UPN and WB Television Networks

_**Chapter 6: The ordinary**_

BPOV

I can't believe her. She was sick again this morning and now she's begging me to let her on patrol again. I'm seriously starting to question her sanity. It happened right after breakfast, and I know it wasn't my cooking although she insists on it being the cause. Her convincing tactic is really awful too. I have no idea why she thought insulting my cooking would gain her points in getting _me _to let her go on patrol. At least this time Willow agrees, thank God. With her support I know, there's no way in hell she's going.

This is getting a little out of hand. It has been now happening for three days straight, and we still have no clue as to why. We can't exactly take her to the hospital, after all she's still a wanted criminal, and we can't fix it because it doesn't seem magical. I've been talking to Willow about hacking into the system and erasing her records, but she said she'll need at least a week to completely erase her history. I've given her the go ahead, and she's already started, but again, it's going to take a while, and I'm a little worried about it getting worse.

I've never even had a cold since I've been called, and frankly this is a little concerning. What if our immune systems start failing after some time? I mean, Slayers aren't supposed to live this long. Both I and Faith are completely breaking all the rules.

Maybe it's because there are two of us, and the Slayer essence was somehow divided. Giles is already researching the problem but without success so far. He said he'll come in tomorrow to give me progress report. I really hope he finds a solution until then all I have to do is stop Faith from putting herself in any dangerous situations. Why do I always get the impossible tasks?

"Oh, come on B!" Faith complains, "This sucks. You get to go out slaying, and I'm supposed to just sit here and relax? This is so not fair."

"I seriously don't understand your logic. How is risking your life better than relaxing and watching TV? If I were you, I'd just be happy I don't have to worry about getting a nasty hickey that might potentially end your life. Not that hickeys aren't fun, but…" Faith and I both look at Willow like she's just grown a second head; she blushes and tries to correct her mistake, "I didn't…"

"Wow, Red. Never knew I'd hear something like that come from that little nerd mouth of yours," Faith interrupts smirking.

I smack her playfully, "We get what you meant Will. Staying home is of the good, and less life threatening." She nods, and hurries to leave the room.

Faith just snickers some more, but doesn't say anything when I point to the couch, "Sit." She complies, and sighs exasperated.

"Can we at least spar tomorrow since you didn't want to today?"

Can we? I don't want to risk anything, but I know she'll probably drive me insane if we don't. God, sometimes hanging out with Faith is like taking care of a child. She doesn't want to do anything that isn't 'fun' and when she doesn't get her own way she complains so much the whole house will give her just about anything to shut her up. Maybe I should get some parenting books. Nah, I doubt I'd find any about handling a bored Slayer.

"I'll make you a deal, if you behave tonight and don't have any repeats until tomorrow afternoon, we'll spar. If not then you're on bed rest, got it?" Bribery - that used to work with me and Dawn. If you can't beat 'em, make a deal with 'em.

All this thinking about parenting has me thinking about my own mother. I miss her so much. When it happened, I was in complete shock. I shut myself out, and no one could reach me. I didn't have a clue what to do. When I told Dawn… God, that was horrible. She started yelling at me, telling me I was lying, and all I wanted to do was hide away and pretend like it didn't happen. All of a sudden there was just me and Dawn, and I had to take care of us. I was the older sister, she was my responsibility.

Banged up job I did. Not so long after I failed them again. I couldn't… I couldn't stop Glory in time, and… and it was either the world or my little sister. I couldn't bring myself to do it; I wanted to stop her so badly. I wanted to grab her, and take her home, screw the world. She was all I had left, and I thought I've paid my debt. I've saved the world so many times before, but I couldn't save my own family. I couldn't protect them.

Strong arms envelop me, and lead me to the couch.  
"Hey, hey, B-, Buffy, you're okay. It's okay." I want to push her away. I don't trust her, not completely, yet why do I feel so safe here? Why do I feel the safest in the arms of the person who threatened my life more than once, who tried to kill all my friends, and held my mom hostage? This is so messed up.

I still remember Dawns last words to me, "Let me do this. The world needs the Slayer." And I remember thinking, "the world has a slayer, Faith." I wasn't the only one. I didn't have to do this anymore. She was supposed to be the one to continue to fight. I thought I had done my part, but every day I get more and more of the same crap.

I don't blame Faith for my family's deaths. It wasn't her fault the monks decided to make The Key as my sister, and she certainly wasn't responsible for my mother's health problems, but I still wish it was different. I wish she was here to help, help me in saving the world, and share the burden.

She tightens her hold on me, and I smile weakly. At least she's here now. That has to be better than nothing, right?

"B, are you better? You completely spaced out on me there, and when I saw you, you were close to tears." I take a deep breath, and pull away. I shouldn't… just remembering it, hurts so much. I take another deep breath and try to relax.

"Yeah, I'm fine. I just got caught up in the memories." She knows I'm lying. I'm nowhere near fine, and she's always had a knack for reading my emotions.

"You don't have to act strong for me. You don't have to be fine all the time. Sometimes it's better to just let go, and let someone take care of you for a change."

"Am I the only one who sees the irony in what you just said?"

"Don't change the subject. And for the record, I'll take the deal you've offered, and follow through without complaints no matter what the result, if you go visit D's and Ms. S's grave tomorrow."

I haven't really been there since Dawns funeral, and it's not like I'm scared of it or anything I just don't want to stand there, and think about how much I've failed them. I guess I could do it. I'll have to do it sooner or later, so why not, right?

"Fine. But not only will you follow the deal, but you'll also owe me a big favor. And… you're going with me."

She smiles and nods. "You got it B."

Just then Xander comes in, and I hastily stand up from the couch. We were all in each other's personal spaces, and I know what it might look like to an outsider. I really don't feel like getting teased by him and him revealing he fantasizes about us all the time. Speaking of time, I glance at the clock on the wall.

"Crap, I have to go. Faith, behave!" I yell, as I almost destroy the door in my rushed exit.

FPOV

I snicker as I see B nearly crash into the front door. After I calm down I finally look at a laughing Xander. It's pretty funny watching her. That could have been painful, but B being B avoided the catastrophe. I'll tease her about it later. "Buffy Summer, killed by the front door" or maybe something like, "She saved the world a lot, but couldn't save the door." "I can already picture watchers of the future telling future slayers "Do not underestimate the door.""

"Hey, Xan man." I greet him.

He grins at me, "She certainly knows how to make an exit."

I snicker some more, "That she does." He comes closer, and sits on the other side of the couch.

"So, what are we watching?" I arch an eyebrow.

"Wasn't really aware we're watching something together."

"Well now you are." Says Willow as she comes back from the kitchen with popcorn. She sits between me and Xander. I know we're okay now, but she still subconsciously wants to protect all her friends from me. Not that I could blame her really. I did take his virginity and tried to choke him to death. I'd be cautious too. I shake thoughts of my past from my head, and focus back on Red and X-man.

"Fine. If I really have to." Can't seem to enthusiastic about hanging out with them, 'cause then they might get the wrong idea. Although I complain all the time, they're actually fun to hang out with. It's better when B's here, but even when alone with these two I actually enjoy myself.

We started hanging out in the evenings after I was let out of the basement, and B started going on patrols and wouldn't take me with her.

_*****FLASHBACK*****_

"_Do you really think it's safe to leave her unlocked when you're on patrol?" Asked Red. _

"_She'll be fine. Don't worry about her."_

"_It's not her I'm worried about." I rolled my eyes at that. She thinks I'm going to hurt her and Xander. She's still afraid I'll go evil again and seriously injure someone in my blind rage or lack of sanity. That and she's afraid of herself. I heard her talking to B one night and heard Red telling B she's scared she's going to lose control of herself and attack me again. _

_B told her that's not gonna happen, but you never know. I know how to push people's buttons and she's not the same kid she was before and just take it. If I start pushing it, we both know I could destroy what little control she has._

"_Red, I'm not gonna hurt you or Xander. You have my word."_

"_Ah yes, let's put our trust into a promise of an ex murderer."_

"_Look Will, she's going to try her best, and if something happens just restrain her. You're not defenseless like Xander."_

"_HEY! I resent that." _

"_If it makes you feel better, you can carry a knife around." I wink at him. _

"_Why? So you don't have to go back to the kitchen to grab one, when you get bored?"_

"_Kitchen knives aren't really that good for mass murder. You'd think anything with a sharp end would do, but after a while the end just gets blunt and useless."_

"_As fascinating as talking about knives is, I'd rather just go on patrol. You guys will be fine."_

"_So what do you wanna do?" I ask Red and Xand._

"_Not die." I roll my eyes at that. They're just scaring themselves, and it was amusing at first, but now it's just getting annoying. _

"_You're not gonna die. Remember, I'm past the whole homicidal phase already."_

"_How reassuring." I sigh, this is going to be fucking tense. _

"_Look, I'm really not going to do anything. If it makes you feel safer I'm going to go back to the basement and stay there."_

"_No, no, it's fine. Buffy would be angry if we asked you to do that."_

"_How about we just watch a movie, and I keep my hands in eyesight the whole time?"_

"_That could work."_

"_Okay. What do you wanna watch?"_

"_How about The Notebook?" Suggests Xander. WHAT THE FUCK?! Is he completely insane? He did not just suggest a freakin' sad romantic movie to a recovering magics addict who fell of the deep end because of a lovers death._

"_Nuh-uh. No way in hell. My homicidal tendencies might come back if I'm forced to watch that crap." _

_I say before Red has a chance to pretend she can handle it. I'd rather not risk it. Not like I care about her or anything, but I know if there was a repeat I'd be the first target. The red head shoots me a look saying –I know what you're doing- but I don't really care. I like my heart beating, and my skin attached, I'm weird like that._

"_How about Blade?" I smirked at that. Watching movie characters killing Vampires is hilarious. They grin, and agree. We all need a good laugh after the last couple of weeks. _

_*****END OF FLASHBACK*****_

Anyway, so we watched Blade that night, and just relaxed. Red kept an eye on me, but relaxed after a while. After that we sometimes watched movies, sometimes played PlayStation or board games. Sometimes we just joked around and told each other stories.

We chose a topic to which the story had to hold and then just made something up. Willow's really good at those, but I think she's stealing ideas from some of the old prophecy books she's read. Nobody's called her on it though, it's way to fun to listen to them to make her stop.

Now it seems almost like second nature to spend most of the evenings with these two. We tease each other, and have fun. Sometimes B joins in, but she has patrol a lot of the times. After I started to patrol too, we stopped hanging out so much, but the familiarity still stayed. All the time we spend bonding didn't just disappear.

So tonight we watched a movie and when B came home, we helped bandage her up, like a lot of the times before. She asked if anything happened as usual, and as usual we said no. Then I brought her something to eat, and helped her upstairs.

**TBC**


	7. The Devil within

**Warnings: ****F/F, no beta, vulgar language, angst, implied rape etc.**

**Disclaimer: **Buffy the Vampire Slayer belongs to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, 20th Century Fox, UPN and WB Television Networks

_**Chapter 7: The Devil within**_

BPOV

I can't believe I agreed to go to my mother's and sister's grave. I am majorly freaking out right now. Faith kept her part of the deal, and we didn't spar today 'cause she had a repeat performance. I know she wanted to complain, but she stayed quiet and let me take charge. Which I'm really grateful for because I'm way too tired and sore to fight with her.

Last night's patrol was brutal. I had to dust around 10 vamps just in one cemetery, and the others were busy too. I'll have to mention that to Giles when he comes here this afternoon. I'm hurt all over, but nothing serious thank God. Faith took care of me last night again. She's been doing that a lot lately.

My guess is she's compensating for not being able to patrol so she feels like she has to help at least in some way in reducing the vampire population. Not like I'm complaining.

Anyway back to the topic at hand. I asked Willow and Xander not to come with me today to the cemetery. I don't want them seeing me like this, and I know I won't be able to handle it. I've just been trying to suppress everything about them and focus on the now, but now is time to face this, and try to move on.

Faith passes me my coat, and we head out the door. This is gonna be rough, and I don't want her to see me crying, but I'd rather have here there than not. I feel like it's not gonna be that bad with her there. We were quiet for the whole walk there, and I hesitated before going through the fence,

"B, it's going to be okay. You can do this." She put her hand on my shoulder. I took a deep breath and went through. I can't believe I'm actually doing this. As I approach the grave I start to panic. I don't think I can do it, I need to go back. Faith senses this and squeezes my hand. Why did I let her talk me into this?

The closer I get, the more I feel like I failure. All the memories of the good times and the bad with my mom and Dawn come rushing back in, and I have to close my eyes for a second. I can't believe I just let them die like this. How can I manage to save the world if I can't even take care of my own family?

The tears are silently running down my cheeks, and Faith is standing behind me, her hand still in mine. It feels like yesterday I was just joking with Dawn about her math professor. She should have finished school, she should have gone to college, she should have gotten married, and she should have had a family. And now she can't. She'll never have that; she'll never be able to do that. A lot of people died because I couldn't do my job right. I keep trying to escape it and it gets people killed.

I wanted to be normal so bad, I neglected my duty sometimes. I skipped patrols 'cause I wanted to act like a normal teenager and hang out, or got distracted by my ex-boyfriend. I didn't take responsibility for my actions and it got people killed. My mom hated me being a slayer, and I hate it too. Who decided to put this much responsibility on a teenager?

I took the necklace I brought with me and bury it under the grass. It's supposed to protect them from the bad, and even if it doesn't, I'll still feel better knowing there's a cross near their grave, so it will be harder for vampires to desecrate it.

"I think I'm ready to go now." I whisper to Faith. I know she can hear me loud and clear. I turn around and put my hand back in hers. She looks at me and holds my gaze. I weakly smile to show her I'm okay. I needed to do this.

"Do you want to go get a cup of coffee before we head home?" Faith asks.

"Yeah, okay. But we have to hurry because I'm responsible for lunch today, and Giles is coming right after." This way I'll be able to clear my head for a little while, and try to distract myself. I know I'll get bombard with questions of how it went when I get home, and I don't want that right now.

"If you're not feeling up to it, I can make lunch."

"Thanks for the offer, but I'm okay. By the way, how are you feeling today?"

"I'm alright for the most part. I'm still not a hundred percent, but I'm definitely better than I was this morning."

"Any signs of fever?"

"No, still just the sickness. Can't wait to find out what's wrong though. I hope G figured it out."

"Why do you give people nicknames like that?" She looks at me weird. I know that came out of nowhere, but I'm actually curious.

"Um, it's easier to remember that way, and less of a possibility to mess it up. I had a lot of incidents in the past where I said the wrong name at the wrong time so now I just stick to physical appearance and initials. Easier that way."

"You're such a player," I gently nudge her, "And an asshole."

"So I've been told."

We sat there for a while and just chatted. After about an hour we went back home, and I started working on lunch.

"Do you want some help?" I hear from behind. I know it's Faith, partly because I recognize her voice and partly because I already knew she'd come back to try to help. She's apparently predictable like that.

"Yeah, I could use an extra pair of hands." I hand her the used pot to wash, and she starts cleaning it.

After we came home Xander and Willow showered me with questions, and when I started to feel like I couldn't take it anymore Faith stepped in, and told them to stop. I love them to death, I really do, but sometimes they just don't know when to quit.

At first I thought there's going to be a new fight. They looked pissed, but after they looked at me, they seemed to realize I was too tired to continue so they let it go. By they I of course mean Xander and Willow, Faith surprisingly stayed calm.

"So what are we having today, chef?" She grins at me.

"Well, this is supposed to be Mac and Cheese." I point to the rock hard macaroni with cheese on it.

She looks like she wants to run away, and I can't blame her. I do _not_ want to eat that. The fork got bent when I was trying to taste it.

"You do realize you have to cook it before serving, right?"

"What..? This is cooked!"

"How did you even make them so hard? Raw macaroni aren't this impenetrable. I think you invented a new way to kill vampires."

I glare at her, "If you don't stop insulting my cooking I'll force you to eat it all by yourself." She gulps, and quickly turns to leave.

"Great idea, go call Willow and Xander, and tell them lunch is ready!" I yell after her.

We ended up ordering pizza for lunch 'cause apparently forks and knives really were no match for my Mac and Cheese. We were lounging in the living room, watching TV, when the door rang. I got up to open it, and brought Giles to the couch.

"Good afternoon."

There was a chorus of hi's from the lazy asses as a response.

"I'm glad you're all sited. I may know the cause of Faith's health problems, but I cannot be sure without further testing."

"Great, what is it?" Faith asks. I sit next to her, and wait for Giles to answer.

"Well, it appears based on the symptoms that you are pregnant." Her face went instantly pale.

"Are you sure?" I ask.

"Quite. However, she should visit a doctor to confirm it."

"Maybe she should just take a test here." Willow suggests.

"Xander, would you go to the pharmacy and fetch us some pregnancy tests?" Giles asked.

"Sure. Be back in a second."

"It's important to remember we shouldn't panic until we know the results."

Everyone agreed, and so we waited for Xander to return.

"How was patrol last night Buffy? Anything out of the usual?"

"Well, yeah. Sorry I didn't call you after, but I got hurt a little, and was too tired."

"Faith didn't accompany you, did she?"

"No. After the last couple of incidents I finally managed to get her to stay at home." I smiled at her.

"Unfortunately," Faith muttered.

"If the test is positive we should limit your patrol. I'm not saying to stop completely, just within reason."

"Don't you think it'd be better if she'd just stay home?"

"I don't think her pregnancy should become an issue until at least the third month. Now, about patrol, anything unusual?" Giles asks as he prepares his pen and notebook.

"Surprisingly yes. There was a lot of baddies, mostly vampires. I think I slayed around 20 vampires yesterday."

"Any demons?"

"Nope."

"Did they say anything?"

"Sorry, I was too busy with the slaying to figure out what they want. One did mention something about all of us dying though- you know the standard stuff."

"Right." He writes everything down just as Xander comes back into the room.

"Here," he hands the bag to Faith. She looks at it for a second, and then leaves.

She comes back into the room after 20 minutes, "it's positive," she murmurs.

"You're sure?" Giles asks.

She looks at him like she wants to kill him, "Yes, I'm sure." She sits back down next to me.

"How is that even possible?" I interject.

"Well, I'd rather not have the birds and the bees talk right now…" Giles starts,

"That's not what I meant. Let's never have that talk. I meant how is it possible for her to be pregnant if she hasn't slept with anyone since she's been here, and before, she was locked in an all-women's prison."

"Well, we've established that this pregnancy isn't supernatural through Willow's test earlier, so the only possible explanation is that she has had sexual intercourse." Said Giles.

"That's… We've never left her alone since she's been here." I whispered.

"Well, there was that one time…" started Xander.

"Yeah, what about that time she sneaked out and gotten drunk?" Supplied Willow.

"Oh… Why are we talking about her like she's not even here? Faith why don't you tell us if you had sex?" Four sets of eyes turned to the brunette still as stone form. She looked like she was caught in her own personal nightmare, and was clearly not paying attention.

"Faith?" I ask again. She doesn't seem to hear me, so I put my hand on her thigh, and try to draw her out. She looks at me, but is clearly not with us in the mind.

"Faith c'mon, what's going on?" I try again.

"I need…" she looks so haunted, "I need to… t-to get out of here." She stands to leave, but I try to get her to stay.

FPOV

This can't be happening. I thought I was done when I got out. I thought I was safe. This… why couldn't I just get one break?! Does my past seriously have to come back and haunt me every time it starts to get better?

"B, I can't…" talk about this, can't live like this. I shrug her hand off of me. "I need to be alone." I whisper.

"Faith, don't do this. Don't shut us out." I close my eyes. If only she knew how I got pregnant... I ignore her request, and go in the basement. I don't want them to see me like this. She doesn't let up, and follows me.

"What's going on?" She asks.

"Buffy…"

"No, don't Buffy me. Talk to me."

"I really can't."

"Did you have sex that night you got drunk?"

"No. But now I wish I had." The last part was meant for me, not her, but she heard me and shot me a glare.

"What's going on? When did you get pregnant?"

"In prison," I whisper. She looks at me weird, and I really don't want to explain. I want to wake up from this nightmare. Maybe I can play it off, and tell it like I wanted it. At least that way I couldn't get pity from her. I hate pity.

"With one of the guards." Which one I can't be sure 'cause there were three of them, but I'm not going to tell her that.

"You had sex with a guard in prison and gotten pregnant?"

"Yes, if what Giles told us is true." I don't want to lie to her, and technically speaking I haven't lied yet.

"How could you have been so stupid?! Why didn't you use protection?!"

"B…"

"God, Faith. I thought you changed, but you're still reckless, and don't think things through. And now…"

"B, please."

"…Now we have to deal with a baby. We have to contact the father, and…"

"NO!" Buffy stops mid-sentence as I yell.

"I'm sorry I yelled, but we're not contacting him."

"He has the right to know." Buffy tries.

"No, he doesn't." I need to stop this conversation. I can't think straight right now. I just want to be alone, and forget about this.

"It's his baby too. Don't you think he has a say in it?"

"No, he doesn't. B can you please leave me alone right now? I…" I take a big breath, "I really need some time to process this. Please just give me some time. I promise we'll talk more about it later."

She just stares at me for a while, and then slowly nods. She doesn't like this. She wants to know the whole story right now, but there's no way I'm telling her the truth about this.

How am I supposed to tell all those people upstairs that I was raped in prison. God, this is the first time I was able to even admit it to myself. I do not want this baby. I need to get rid of it. And now this crap with Buffy wanting to tell the father… I don't even fucking know who it is! I don't fucking want to know whose it is.

Maybe I can just throw myself down some stairs. That outta get the job done, if not I can always go provoke some vamps, and let them get in a couple of shots. B would kill me if I did something like that though.

Why do I even care what Buffy thinks? Isn't this supposed to be my decision? This is a huge responsibility, and I'm pretty sure I'm not ready for it. This is another human being we're talking about here. I can barely take care of myself, how am I supposed to take care of another kid completely dependent on me?! This is so fucked up.

I lay back on the bed, and exhale. I have no idea what to do, and all I can hear from upstairs right now is shouting. On a normal day I'd try to figure out what the issue is, but right now all I want to do is forget. I just want this day to end already.

I close my eyes, and luckily fall asleep.

When I wake up Willow is right beside. I slowly open my eyes, and meet hers.

"Hey Red, what's up?" I ask, my voice is still a little husky from sleep. Ironically this is the best I've slept in months. No nightmares this time, which I'm really glad for 'cause I don't know how much more I can take.

She gives me a sad smile, "Just checking up on you. How are you feeling?"

"Five by five, you know me."

"You should probably come upstairs, get something to eat then go to your room, and rest. Xander saved some of the dinner for you."

"Thanks. What's the time anyway?"

"It's 11pm. Buffy's on patrol, and Xander and Giles are trying to find some information about pregnant slayers."

"God, can't we just, you know end it. I don't see a point in researching it if I'm just gonna get an abortion."

She glares at me, "Don't you think you've already killed enough people?"

"What the fuck are you going on about?! THIS ISN'T THE SAME!"

"Yes, it is! This is another person we're talking about here. Don't you want to do something good for once? Don't you want to create life instead of just destroy it?" No, no, no! She's not guilt tripping me into this. I don't want to be responsible for this. I won't become my mother.

"Red, try to see clearly here, do you see me as a mother?"

"No, but that's not…"

"That's exactly the point. I am not capable of raising a child. I would just end up destroying its life."

"You don't know that. We'd all help…"

"And what? Be one big dysfunctional family?"

"YES!"

"Are you insane?! There is no way we could raise a kid!"

"Of course we could. Please Faith, don't put more blood on your hands. Take this as a chance to redeem yourself." I close my eyes, and grit my teeth.

"Will, why do you want me to keep this baby so bad?"

She sighs, "It's not just me. Giles and Xander agree with me."

"But not Buffy." I mumble.

"She doesn't know what she wants. She doesn't know what to think right now. On one hand what you did was completely irresponsible, and she thinks you should get rid of it immediately because you couldn't take care of it and on the other she wants you to keep it, do the right thing, and raise it."

"How do you know all of this?"

"We talked about it after you went downstairs." Oh, that's what all the shouting was about.

"Can you give me some time to make the decision?" She wants to argue, but doesn't say anything.

"Yeah, yeah. Let's get you something to eat, and you can tell us your decision later, like tomorrow or something." I swear to God, I'm going to kill her someday.

**TBC**


	8. Wipe Your Eyes

**Warnings: ****F/F, no beta, vulgar language, angst, ****injury description** etc.

**Disclaimer: **Buffy the Vampire Slayer belongs to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, 20th Century Fox, UPN and WB Television Networks

_**Chapter 8: Wipe your eyes**_

BPOV

When I got home after patrol, Faith was in the dining room staring at the table, deep in thought.

"Hey," she turns towards me, "I thought you'd be asleep by now. Everything okay?" She gives me an incredulous look. Okay I admit, that was a stupid question.

"C'mon, sitting around here won't solve anything. Why don't you go upstairs?"

"I don't really feel like going to bed just yet."

I sigh, "Do you want to talk about it?" I'm really tired, and to be honest I'm not much in the mood to have this conversation right now, but I'm prepared to listen if she's finally willing to open up a little.

"Not really." She goes back to staring at the table, "I have no idea what I'm going to do." I give her a sympathetic smile. If I was in her position I wouldn't know what to do either.

"It's your decision. We'll support you whether you decide to keep it or not."

"Will you? I talked to Red earlier. She told me about your fight."

"I'm not going to deny being angry at you. I still think what you did was irresponsible, and I'm still pissed at you, but this isn't about that. This is really completely your decision."

God, I hate this. I hate seeing her suffer like this, and I hate that I can't do anything to help. I honestly don't know what I'd like better. No matter what she chooses I'll try to help. I'm not giving up on her again. Last time she needed help I wasn't there, and I'm not making the same mistake again. I promised Angel I'd take care of her when I picked her up, and I will, no matter what.

_*****FLASHBACK*****_

"_Hi," I greeted Angel as I came into the Hyperion. Angel, Cordelia, and Wesley were all gathered there, talking amongst themselves. _

"_Hey," smiled Angel, "How are you?"_

"_Just peachy." I know I'm being a bitch right now, but I have the right to, considering I'm about to help my enemy because he asked me to. _

"_Where is she?" I ask directly. I really want to get this over with as quickly as possible. The sooner I can make sure she can't hurt anyone the better._

"_She's upstairs. C'mon, I'll show you to the room." He led me through a set of stairs to a room at the beginning of the hallway. _

"_Before you go in, I'd just like to remind you to not cause any more injuries. She's barely alive right now, and try to be careful." I scowl at him. Why did I agree to this again? Oh, right, because he can't, and I'm not about to let her run wild again or die for that matter. _

"_Don't worry. I know what she can and can't take." _

"_No, you really don't. I told you she doesn't have any Slayer powers, remember?"_

"_Are we really gonna fight again? I've been here for five minutes, and we're already having an argument because of her."_

"_This isn't because of her, this is because of your anger. Your need for payback. If you don't think you can control yourself then I'd rather have it if you just let me find another way to take care of her."_

"_Look, I'm not gonna hurt her, so you can stop with this. I told you I'd help on the phone and I will. Now, let's get this over with." Willow isn't the only with the resolve face, and with that the argument is over. _

_I open the door, and approach the unmoving figure on the bed. Her dark hair is obscuring her face, but I can still clearly see the bruise on her cheek. Angel is leaning against the door, watching me intently, waiting for my next move. I can't believe he doesn't trust me. _

_I take my eyes off of him, and look at Faith again. She looks horrible. Every part of her skin I can see is covered in bruises and cuts. Her tank top has turned from white to red, and there's a horrible gash on her right leg, just above her knee. She's wearing shorts, so I can't really see much above her knee. Her left shoulder looks dislocated, and I make move to put it in the right place._

_Angel grabs my hand, thinking I'm going to injure her further,  
"Don't…"_

"_Angel, look at her shoulder." His gaze moves, and he lets me go._

"_I must have missed it, when I was cleaning her up." He sighs, and goes to help me. We pop her shoulder back in the right place, and as we do, her head moves a little. I notice a red stain on the pillow. I lift her head a bit, and notice a big bandage at the back of her head. _

"_I'm not sure what it's from. It could be from falling to the floor or being banged against the wall repeatedly. Probably both." I trace my fingers across the material. I don't want to look at Angel right now 'cause I know just from hearing his voice that he's not doing all that well right now. _

_I gently put her head back on the pillow. I check her for fever, and notice she's burning up. Lack of Slayer powers and proper food must have seriously damaged her immune system. _

"_Will she even be able to survive the drive back to Sunnydale?" I ask,_

"_She has to. We can't put her in the hospital, and I don't have any other healers. We re-bandaged her bigger wounds as soon as we got her out. The clinic gave her a blood transfusion to give her at least a fighting chance against all her injuries, but only time will tell if she'll make it." _

_I nod in acknowledgement. "I need to know that you'll take care of her. No matter what happens, I need to know that you'll do your best."_

"_Angel, you know I will. I promise I'll take care of her." I may hate her, but I'd never be able to live with myself if I'd just let her die. We're both quiet for a while._

"_So, how do you want to do this?" He asks. _

_I turn my head from starring at the floor to staring at Faith, "Some rope tied lightly around her hands, and her ankles away from her injuries. I'll put her in the back seat of Xander's car, and make sure she won't slip to the floor. Then drive as fast as I can back home, hopefully without causing additional damage."_

"_I don't think you need to tie her up. She can't do anything to you."_

"_You're right, but she can do something to herself if she wakes up."_

"_She's not suicidal anymore."_

"_How would you know? Last time I checked you haven't seen her in a while or you'd notice the injuries."_

"_Hey, don't turn this on me. This wasn't my fault! I stood by her, when all you wanted to do was to get rid of her."_

"_I know I made a mistake, you don't have to remind me about it, but you're not exactly innocent either." A pause, "look, let's just focus on getting her out of here alive."_

_*****END OF FLASHBACK*****_

And we did, get her out alive I mean. She recovered surprisingly fast. Too fast if you ask me. In a way it was almost easier to have her here unconscious, although if she still wouldn't have woken up by now I'd probably be building her a casket. All that head trauma can't be good for her, and I'd rather not think about having a coma patient in my basement. That would be all kinds of bad.

The next morning things were still the same. Faith hasn't made a decision yet, and as much as we tried to act like nothing's wrong no one could forget the elephant in the room. Faith decided she wanted to train. I wanted to stop her, but I knew I couldn't, so I offered to help her practice her punches if she stays in the house.

FPOV

"You know this bribing thing, and blackmail won't work forever. Sooner or later you're gonna have to let me fight."

"And I'd rather have it later. You shouldn't be slaying right now."

"Oh c'mon on. That's such a load of crap. B, you need me."

"Last time I checked I can still slay. What I need for you to do is stay home, and keep Xander and Will company."

"You got lucky last night. What if today all 20 of them will come at you at once? There's no way you'd win that."

"I'll manage."

"B…"

"Look I've been doing this for a lot longer without your help. Relax alright, nothing's gonna happen."

"I think you just jinxed it," yelled Willow from the kitchen.

We continued like that for the next 30 minutes. Our session was interrupted when I had to make another visit to the bathroom. She didn't let me continue after that. I'm getting really agitated with this. They're treating me like I'm made of glass.

I still haven't told them my official decision. I know most of them want me to keep it, but I can't. I'm not going to keep it. The kid would constantly remind me of how big of a fuck up I am, and I'd probably fuck its life up too. I don't want to turn into my mother. I'm probably gonna told them at dinner.

G-man , Xander, and Red are still researching, and I'd help, but there's no way I could've stayed focused on books right now. Luckily for me, B shares my hate of reading, so we ducked out, and decided to go to the Magic shop instead.

"So, have you decided what you want to do yet?" I give her a look. Everyone's wanted to ask me that, but no one did 'cause apparently they're giving me space.

"B… I can't. I really can't raise a kid."

"You're sure?"

"Very much so, yes. I'm gonna told the rest at dinner, so they can still waste a couple of hours researching." I grin.

"Okay, now I know you're still evil." She smiles, "No white hat would expose fellow white hats through unnecessary torture like that." I laugh. Xander will probably kill me after I tell them.

"I bet G and Red are loving it though. I'm probably doing 'em a favor."

"Oh, yeah? How's that?"

"I'm giving them a reason to read, so they won't look like even bigger dorks than they are."

"Nope. I'm pretty sure they're proud of their dorkiness."

**- (A/N: I adjusted the style on this next part so it's a little easier to read. The current conversation is now bold. The words in italic are God knows what, and normal is still normal ;))**

I brought the last of the dinner to the table, and sat down. I'm really nervous about this. I know they'll respect my decision in the end, but that doesn't mean they're gonna like it. B said she's got my back, and will support me if this turns into an argument which it probably will. I'm sorta afraid that me and Willow will have another big fight, and one of us'll lose control.

"**The dinner was very good, Faith."**

"**Thanks G."** Okay, this is it. I didn't want to do it before because there was a high chance that people would be leaving the table, and I was hungry. Sue me.

"**So, I've made my decision about the baby."** Four sets of eyes turn on me. Buffy gives me an encouraging smile. **"I'm not keeping it. I know some of you wanted me to, but I can't. As soon as Willow gets my record cleared I'm going to go to the doctor and end my pregnancy."**

"**This is such bullcrap! Don't do this just because you're scared. Do not run away from the problem again."**

_Buffy: You're _not_ gonna run, Faith. _What the hell? Is B talking?

"**This isn't… Red what do you want me to do? You can't force me…" **

_Faith: What do you wanna do? You gonna throw me off the roof? Again? _Huh? Did I just say that?

"**Well why not? You know I can just leave the records on until it's too late."**

_Buffy: Any reason why I shouldn't? _I give her an incredulous look. She said she'll back me up. That's not helping.

"**You're not gonna fix anything with that. That won't solve anything."**

_Faith: There's nothing I can do for you, B. I can't ever make it right. _Don't force me into this.

"**So what? You're just gonna throw yourself down some stairs? Take the coward's way out?"**

_Buffy: So you're just gonna take off again? Leave us to clean up yet another one of your messes?_ I never said that!

"**It's better this way."**

_Faith: It'd make things easier for you._

"**How is this way better? This is better for you! And sooner or later you'll screw up again."**

_Buffy: Till you get bored with the whole guilt thing, decided to come back to shake things up? _This is me and B on the rooftop.

"**YES! You just made my point. I will screw up again, and that's why I can't be a mother."**

_Faith: That's not gonna happen._

"**No! Not if we help. You have four of us here willing to pitch in."**

_Buffy: You're right. It's _not. No, no, no!

"_**I knew you weren't not gonna let me make my own decision."**_

_Faith: Angel said there was no way you were gonna give me a chance. _I'm getting a little dizzy.

"**Faith, this is clearly the wrong one! You're acting out of your fears, your insecurities. You're not thinking about the baby. You made a mistake, I get it, but make the best of it. Don't let your baby's life end because of that. Don't make it a victim of fear."**

_Buffy: I gave you _every_ chance! I tried _so_ hard to help you, and you _spat_ on me. My life was just something for you to play with. Angel, Riley, anything that you could take from me, you took. I've lost battles before... but nobody else has ever made me a victim. _I clutch the end of the table for support.

"**No. I know what I'm doing, and this isn't about fear. I am not keeping it because it would be irresponsible of me to do so. Just think about this objectively." **Why is the room spinning? **"I don't have any money, I don't have any space for the baby, its life would be constantly in danger, he or she won't have a father, I am a really bad role model and lots more." **I grit my teeth and close my eyes.** "This is my choice to make, and I made it! For once I know what's right. Please accept that." **The last part was more of a whisper.

_Faith: And you can't stand that._** "I'm sorry-**_ You're all about control .- _**I can't.- **_You have no idea what it's like on the other side! -_**I can't,- **_When nothing's in control, nothing makes sense! -_**and won't- **_There's just pain and hate, and nothing you -_**support-**_ do means anything. You can't even... -_**murder!"**

BUFFY: Shut up!

"**Shut up!"** I can't hear anything anymore. I grab my head, hoping to stop the room from spinning, and after a second everything turns black. The last thing I hear is a whispered _"just tell me how to make it better."_

**TBC**

**A/N pt.2: I suspect I was either high or drunk when I wrote the 2****nd**** part of FPOV. I'd try to explain it, but I can't. *oops* Hopefully it will get a little clearer on what's going on in the future chapters. If any of you have any good ideas or suggestions for the story please tell me.  
Also I am **_**really **_**sorry about how I showed Willow in this story. I'm actually a fan of Waith and Fuffy, and right now I'm just bending the characters in a way that enables story progression. Thanks for reading and reviewing :)  
**


	9. Sorry, Blame it on me

**Warnings: ****F/F, no beta, vulgar language, angst etc.**

**Disclaimer: **Buffy the Vampire Slayer belongs to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, 20th Century Fox, UPN and WB Television Networks

_**Chapter 9: Sorry, Blame It On Me**_

BPOV

"Faith!" I run to her side of the table. She's on the floor unconscious. I have no idea what happened. One minute they were arguing, and the next she was on the floor. I shake her to try to get a response, and I get nothing. She doesn't respond at all.

"Check her pulse." Giles suggests.

"She's not dead." C'mon Faith, wake up!

"Let's get her to the couch."

I pick her up, and carry her there. I can't believe this. Why can't Willow just give it a rest? This really isn't her decision to make, and she shouldn't have tried to force Faith into keeping it.

"Willow can I talk to you in the kitchen?" I ask.

"Um, sure."

* * *

"What the hell was that?!"

"What?"

"You attacked her! You tried to force her to do what you think is better. This is her decision, not yours."

"Buffy…"

"You're not the one that's pregnant. If she wants to have an abortion she should have the right to it."

"Look I'm sorry, but I don't think she should."

"Fine. You don't have to agree with it, but you're not going to make her keep it. If you want to have a baby so bad get yourself pregnant or adopt, I don't care, but don't bully Faith."

"Bully?! What the hell?! She isn't some innocent victim here! She's the one who was irresponsible enough to get pregnant."

"She made a mistake, and I'm sure she regrets it now…"

"Why are you defending her so much? Since when are you taking her side? Is this some kind of "Slayers stick together" crap 'cause I gotta tell you, you're making the wrong decision. How many more mistakes are you going to let her make?!"

I don't want to fight Willow about this. Why can't she understand that she can't control her? She isn't some kid who doesn't know what she's doing.

"That's not up to me! I don't tell her what to do! She's her own person, and she can make her own decisions. Stop treating her like a little kid!"

"She's a convicted murderer! If we don't tell her what to do she's just gonna go off the rails again."

"Since when does the fact that she doesn't want to have a kid mean she wants to murder people again?"

"Abortion is murder!"

"It is not murder! We're done debating this. If you can't respect her decision than stay out of it."

* * *

When I came back into the living room Faith was awake.  
"Hey, how are you feeling? Do you need anything?" I asked.

"Nah, I'm good. What was all that yelling about?"

"So you heard that…" I turn my head to the side, "Me and Will just had a slight disagreement. Don't worry about it." She frowned, but didn't say anything.

"Can I just ask, now that we've gotten the basics out of the way, what happened? You were fine one minute, and the next you were on the floor." Giles inquired.

He's right. We need to figure what happened, and how we can fix it, and prevent it from happening again. Right now, I really wish Faith wouldn't have a police record. If we could take her to the doctor to get her checked out that would be great. But we can't do that unless we want her transferred back to prison. I hope Willow will still clear her even though she doesn't agree with this.

"I really don't know what happened. I just got dizzy, and I don't know… I heard B yell "Shut up!" and... The last thing I remember is hearing "just tell me how to make it better." And then everything went black."

Okay, that's weird. She was the one that yelled, and I'm pretty sure no one said "just tell me how to make it better." Xander, Giles and me look at each other in confusion.

"Okay, what's going on? Did I miss something?"

"No, you didn't. However, it seems you did hear more than we did." Will explained, coming to stand next to Xander, "You were the one yelling, and I'm pretty sure no one said that last line."

Faith frowned even more at that. She was trying to remember everything from the conversation, but it looked like she was still pretty confused.

"Maybe you should tell us what you remember, and we'll tell you what actually happened."

"Okay. So um, we we've finished dinner, and I told you what my decision was. Then, um… I guess Willow and me started fighting- okay this is weird. We already know this. I kinda feel like an idiot telling you about something that happened like five minutes ago."

"We're just trying to figure out what's wrong. Maybe it would be pointless to review the whole thing. So you heard Buffy?"

"Well yeah. She was talking through the whole thing. You were… um… it was a lot like that fight we had on the rooftop."

"First of all, I was more or less quiet all through that fight, and second please don't tell me I stabbed you again." She chuckled, "Not that rooftop. It was the one in LA."

"Oh."

"So yeah, that's pretty much it."

"Well that's not normal."

"Thanks, Capitan obvious." I mumbled.

"Giles was there anything in the books about this?"

"No. I'm afraid I haven't yet been able to find much information about the affect pregnancy has on Slayers."

"Guys, I'm going to try and clear up her record faster, and you should go back to research. We need to find out what's going on, and you Faith need to go to a doctor." Willow declared, and left.

Thank God, she's at least willing to put the argument on the sidelines for now. This whole thing is really putting me on edge. I don't like the idea of not knowing what's going on. I know Will isn't doing this just for Faith's sake, but also for the baby's, but I still appreciate it.

FPOV

I take a turn around the corner, and continue down the road. For the last couple of days the house has been a mess. Everyone is either buried in books or asking me a billion questions. I just couldn't take it anymore. All they let me do is sleep, and watch TV. They're checking up on me every half an hour, and when I asked Buffy to train with me she just laughed, and told me to sit down.

They still haven't found anything solid, and Red has practically abandoned sleeping in favor of drinking coffee 24/7 and staring at that stupid monitor. I got bored to the point where I actually wanted to read, but noooo, that would be way too much for a pregnant chick to do.

I'm rebelling, that's what I'm doing. This walk around the town is my official protest to the idiots at home. Although now that I think about it, it might have been a stupid idea to go around town with no one knowing where I went when there's a high possibility of vomiting or passing out. They're going to be so pissed.

And since when do I care? It's not like I'm roaming around town, drunk and high out of my mind, killing people! I'm just taking a nice, slow walk because if I stayed in the house for another minute I'd probably snap.

It's not their fault that this is happening, but I can't help but feel at least a little bit resentment towards them. To be honest all I'm sure about is that I'm angry or want to be angry. This situation is so fucked up in so many ways, and it's getting more complicated by the minute.

They did found that there was another Slayer pregnant a while back, and are now trying to find as much info on that chick as possible. I should probably go back before they call the cops on me. I did leave a note explaining my whereabouts, but I'm positive they'll still freak.

* * *

As soon as I opened the door I came face to face with a really pissed of slayer.  
"I swear to God , Faith if you ever do anything like this again you're going back to the basement."

I smirked at the empty threat. She knows as well as I do that she won't lock me up again unless I actually kill someone.

"I'm surprised you haven't gone out looking for me."

"Oh, we have. Xander should be home any minute now to inform us of his lack of luck in finding you."

I chuckle. "This isn't funny! Now get your ass on that couch, and don't move unless you have permission from the adults."

"Dude, we're almost the same age. If I don't count as an adult then you don't count either." She glared at me, and I gave up. No point in trying to fight with her. I am really tired, and I wouldn't mind taking a nap for a bit.

"Shoes off."

I groan. "You're worse than that Nazi."

"If by 'that Nazi' you mean Adolf Hitler than I can assure you that Buffy's behavior isn't even close to his. For starters I'm pretty sure we don't have to worry about mass murder when it comes to her."

"Can you stop? It was a joke, and I don't want to learn history."

"You should. History is very important. Have you ever thought about going back to school?"

"I'm going to stop you right there. I'm exhausted, angry, slightly nauseated, and most importantly not interested in talking about school. So if you would be so kind as to leave me alone to try to sleep that would be great. And I even made an effort to tell you that in English." I gave him a slightly dangerous smile, and lie down.

I did think about going back to school at some point during my stay in prison, but I quickly buried that thought because I know how long the life of a slayer is. Buffy tried, and even she failed at college. There just isn't enough time, and considering my track record before I even became a Slayer I'd say the chances of me finishing school or non-existent.

"I did it!" Willow came to the living room, screaming and grinning.

"And what have you managed to accomplish exactly?" Giles asked. At this rate I'm never going to sleep.

"I managed to clear Faith's record. We can now make an appointment at the doctors."

"That's fantastic. Now good night." My remark was filled with sarcasm.

"Faith! Get up, and dial this number."

"Are you serious? Why don't you just call him? I'm tired, and I want to sleep."

"Nuh-uh." Buffy grabs the pillow behind my head, "And whose fault it is you're tired? Just make the damn appointment, and then go to bed." She throws the phone in my lap. I sigh, and run a hand through my hair.

* * *

"I have to be there at 9am tomorrow." I announce.

"Do you need to bring anything with you?" Willow asks,

"Yes, my unborn kid."

"Can I just ask something?" Giles starts.

"If you must…" I'm seriously considering just getting up, and locking myself in my room. At least they won't be able to bother me anymore, and I'll be left alone until the morning.

"How old are you exactly?"

"Um, 20. It doesn't matter. I'm an adult, and I don't have a guardian or anything like that so that shouldn't be a problem."

"Okay, if you say so."

I really hope this is all 'cause I'm tired of all the questions. I did get an ID during my stay here. I managed to convince Willow into making me one. I know she can be a little annoying at times, but she really is a genius.

So now all I have to do is wait until tomorrow, and this whole thing can end.

**TBC**


End file.
